note

Thought at 12:45 AM - random, and I should be sleeping, but I wanted to jot it down before I forgot or I changed my mind.

There are some things I can't say right now, given the circumstances. Maybe I'll never be able to say them.

But this one I will:

I'm happy.

winter tree

I took a short walk to the ATM machine earlier today - along the way, I saw a bunch of barren trees (most of them became super bare after the thankfully very, very mild remnants of Hurricane Sandy) and then I saw one tree that stood out to me because many of its beautiful fall-colored leaves were still there for my viewing pleasure.

At first, I was happy about this tree, this last vestige of fall despite the small snow flurries flying around in the wind today. Looking at the barren trees just made me dread the super long winter ahead. But then, something changed my frame of mind and I began to think to myself —

Wait, maybe that tree is stubbornly holding onto its leaves from this past year because it doesn't know that next spring it will have new, fresh, green leaves.

Maybe I am that tree. 

Maybe I am unable to let myself shed my old leaves, become vulnerable and barren, and just die to myself because I don't believe that next spring (figuratively speaking, that is,) I will have new, fresh, green leaves.

But I want to believe, because I know that just as the sun will rise again tomorrow, these trees will bear new leaves in time.

Am I willing to become a winter tree?