Rome.
Barcelona.
Santorini.
Let's go.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
i am not my brother's/sister's keeper
(I admit, a semi-rant is coming up - just an off-shoot from recent conversations I've had with people.)
The problem is two-fold:
1) When things are going well, complacency exists.
I don't know what the percentage of introverts in the world is versus that of extroverts, but I know a lot of people who are introverts for some reason. Perhaps it's because I'm an introverted extrovert, and I can reach out to other introverts (not possible if you're a straight-up introvert because there's no "reaching out" involved.) And honestly, one's not any better than the other, because both have inherent problems. However, there seems to be this general trend of complacency.
If they get along fine when they're put in the same room, if they have the ability to chill and have fun, they don't dig deeper and seek out more.
And that's an issue I have particularly in a Christian community. There are so many times when we try to get together big events for times of "fellowship" - but honestly, how deep can you get within 2 hours of playing charades and Cranium? These times are very necessary, of course, because it breaks the ice and it's casual and fun. But when it's time to get real with each other, time to get intense with each other, the whole iron-sharpening-iron ordeal, why do so many people fall away?
I acknowledge that sometimes, there are just too many people. And of course, not everybody is at the same level of commitment to the community or even to Christianity, but for those that are pretty committed and supposedly "on fire" for God, why do we get so wrapped up in our busy schedules and other mental commitments that not only do we not push forward, but we don't even recognize the efforts of those that are trying for a deeper community? (And no, I'm not talking about myself. Really.)
Is it because we are not our brothers'/sisters' keepers? We don't feel the need to dig deeper, to know more and be known more, to love more, to pray more. And that is one side of the issue.
2) When things are going poorly, apathy exists.
You know how your mom always said, It's easy to be friends with someone when everything's fine and dandy, but when hardship hits, it's even easier to leave? Or was that Proverbs?
I think even within this one, there's another fork that divides into a) when things are going poorly between friends and b) when things are going poorly individually.
As for part A, I think sometimes it's really easy to give up on some people because 1) they're apathetic, 2) they don't listen to you, 3) they've become different from who you are/who they used to be, or 4) all of the above. And there are definitely times to let go and just let God take care of them, or let someone else (with God's help) take care of them. But sometimes, the responsibility to keep up with them nonetheless falls on you. And it's difficult, no doubt, but reconciliation is all that's needed in these situations for things to get better.
For part B, the biggest issues are 1) busy-ness and 2) (particularly in the Christian community) sin. For number 1, it says in Hebrews 10:25, "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing," so that's that. For number 2, when did it become okay for us to not confront each other about our sins? For us to clearly see and/or know things, but just let things lie because of fear of "ruining" a friendship? Or for us to judge and not correct/advise because they're "hopeless"? And secondly, when did it become okay for us to make someone feel like they couldn't approach anyone about a struggle for fear of being judged? Particularly between (ex-)close friends?
Consider carefully whether or not you fall into either category, or both. I'll be the first to admit that I am guilty of things in both, so please don't think that this is some huge rebuke in which I'm not a part of. We all need to push forward, because we are our brothers'/sisters' keepers - we keep them accountable, keep them strong, keep them loved.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
the covenant
You promised me this:If I were weak, you would stand strong.
If I were lost, you would come find me.
If I were insufficient, you would fill me.
If I were tempted, you would guide me.
If I were nameless, you would make me great.
If I were lonely, you would love me.
And because I am all these things I didn't think I would be,
I thank you for
Your resilience,
Your immutability,
Your overflow,
Your direction,
Your renown,
Your faithfulness,
Your promise.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
the rules
Rule number 3: Don't pour yourself out.
I think I've broken almost every one of my personal rules.
Because of you.
But today, I'll follow one.
Rule number 1: Trust.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
i can do all things
It is possible for me to wake up at 7:00 am and go to a 2-hour rehearsal with my octet.
It is possible.
Is it fun?
Not particularly. For I am most definitely NOT a morning person, for anyone who knows me. And to be honest, I am ridiculously tired and not motivated to study for econ right now.
But I think, the amazing thing about the human being is that you can always push yourself to do more. That mentality of "I can't" or "I just DON'T do that" or "this isn't me" is just you working against yourself.
In Fight Club, (not exactly the most God-friendly movie ever...but shh) Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt aka Edward Norton's alter ego) creates a chemical burn on the narrator(Norton)'s hand. As he screams for mercy and for the burning to stop, Durden's final words to him before he relieves the pain is: "First you have to give up, first you have to know...not fear...know...that someday you're gonna die."
And I think everyone really does need to realize this fact - not so that we can think "Oh, this life is all we have. This is it - we need to live it up" - but so we can make room for something more, a greater drive, a greater goal. For Christians, it's the knowledge of heaven and the goodness of living a life in the Gospel. When we accept the fact that this life is not all we have, and that when we die to ourselves in this life and serve a higher purpose set out by God, life - ironically - just becomes that much more enjoyable and we have strength to carry out each day.
What do I mean? Because honestly, if heaven is sooo much better than life right now, what's the point of living in this broken and imperfect world, right? Why eat the salad appetizer if the chocolate cake dessert is so much more worth your stomach space?
I'm saying we can live life with no fear. There will be struggles, there will be things that we don't particularly enjoy doing, there will be people who put you down. But Paul does say, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).
And when we suddenly have the ability to do everything without shame or hesitation, we really can "live it up." We no longer have to rely on our natural human instinct to survive or our own mental willpower, but we can rely on God. And honestly, even from the non-Christian standpoint, wouldn't it be nice to have this all-powerful being on your team? It's hard enough to find people who will stand by you and push you to be all you can be - but to have THE God on your side?
And I know Paul says, "I can do everything," but I think the more important part is "through him who gives me strength." Why? Because sometimes we can interpret having this courage and freedom in life as being able to try everything we can try - drinking, smoking, partying, flirting, cheating, "sexperimenting" as Gossip Girl so says, etc etc. the list goes on. But do we need strength to do those things? Actually, I think it takes more strength to not do those things - and Christ grants us that ability. He gives us strength to pursue the things that are worthwhile in life - things that may seem difficult at first, but are infinitely more fulfilling than going the easy route.
So yeah. I can get up in the morning if I must - is it fulfilling? Perhaps. Who else gets to make crazy awesome music while the rest of the world is waking up?
It is possible.
Is it fun?
Not particularly. For I am most definitely NOT a morning person, for anyone who knows me. And to be honest, I am ridiculously tired and not motivated to study for econ right now.
But I think, the amazing thing about the human being is that you can always push yourself to do more. That mentality of "I can't" or "I just DON'T do that" or "this isn't me" is just you working against yourself.
In Fight Club, (not exactly the most God-friendly movie ever...but shh) Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt aka Edward Norton's alter ego) creates a chemical burn on the narrator(Norton)'s hand. As he screams for mercy and for the burning to stop, Durden's final words to him before he relieves the pain is: "First you have to give up, first you have to know...not fear...know...that someday you're gonna die."
And I think everyone really does need to realize this fact - not so that we can think "Oh, this life is all we have. This is it - we need to live it up" - but so we can make room for something more, a greater drive, a greater goal. For Christians, it's the knowledge of heaven and the goodness of living a life in the Gospel. When we accept the fact that this life is not all we have, and that when we die to ourselves in this life and serve a higher purpose set out by God, life - ironically - just becomes that much more enjoyable and we have strength to carry out each day.
What do I mean? Because honestly, if heaven is sooo much better than life right now, what's the point of living in this broken and imperfect world, right? Why eat the salad appetizer if the chocolate cake dessert is so much more worth your stomach space?
I'm saying we can live life with no fear. There will be struggles, there will be things that we don't particularly enjoy doing, there will be people who put you down. But Paul does say, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" (Philippians 4:13).
And when we suddenly have the ability to do everything without shame or hesitation, we really can "live it up." We no longer have to rely on our natural human instinct to survive or our own mental willpower, but we can rely on God. And honestly, even from the non-Christian standpoint, wouldn't it be nice to have this all-powerful being on your team? It's hard enough to find people who will stand by you and push you to be all you can be - but to have THE God on your side?
And I know Paul says, "I can do everything," but I think the more important part is "through him who gives me strength." Why? Because sometimes we can interpret having this courage and freedom in life as being able to try everything we can try - drinking, smoking, partying, flirting, cheating, "sexperimenting" as Gossip Girl so says, etc etc. the list goes on. But do we need strength to do those things? Actually, I think it takes more strength to not do those things - and Christ grants us that ability. He gives us strength to pursue the things that are worthwhile in life - things that may seem difficult at first, but are infinitely more fulfilling than going the easy route.
So yeah. I can get up in the morning if I must - is it fulfilling? Perhaps. Who else gets to make crazy awesome music while the rest of the world is waking up?
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
timing is everything
You know how they say the most successful people in history are usually the ones who were simply in the right place at the right time? (Or maybe they don't, and I just think that.)
It's true.
Maybe you can accredit it to some random play of events that just haphazardly lead up to something, but I think it's all part of a divine plan, which is so much more intricate and ridiculously redonkulous than you yourself could ever create.
Things always fall into place like puzzle pieces that were created to be placed next to each other to create this beautiful picture you didn't see at first. And I think we need to live while trusting this fact.
There is always a way out, and there is always a way in.
God allowed me a time of breakage during the summer so that it wouldn't drive me crazy during the academic year.
He allowed my family to have a nice long trip to Europe right after one of my greatest points of (emotional) distance from them.
He allowed me to re-join Overflow by making my octet schedule work out that way.
He put certain people in my life at the right times so that I wouldn't feel alone in my current hermetic ways...and took some people out so that I would be able to focus.
So don't worry - God has such a plan for you too.
You will find a job.
You will get the grade, and if not that, incredible experiences and lessons.
You will be loved by that one person.
You will encounter Him.
Life isn't perfect by your standards, or by the world's standards, but all those little imperfections that you think exist create this giant masterpiece that God already had the blueprints for even before you were born. The reason why puzzles aren't made up of pieces that are perfect squares is because then they would never have a way to connect to one another - the little protrusions and bumps and crevices are there so that they can link together tightly...and perfectly. :)
It's true.
Maybe you can accredit it to some random play of events that just haphazardly lead up to something, but I think it's all part of a divine plan, which is so much more intricate and ridiculously redonkulous than you yourself could ever create.
Things always fall into place like puzzle pieces that were created to be placed next to each other to create this beautiful picture you didn't see at first. And I think we need to live while trusting this fact.
There is always a way out, and there is always a way in.
God allowed me a time of breakage during the summer so that it wouldn't drive me crazy during the academic year.
He allowed my family to have a nice long trip to Europe right after one of my greatest points of (emotional) distance from them.
He allowed me to re-join Overflow by making my octet schedule work out that way.
He put certain people in my life at the right times so that I wouldn't feel alone in my current hermetic ways...and took some people out so that I would be able to focus.
So don't worry - God has such a plan for you too.
You will find a job.
You will get the grade, and if not that, incredible experiences and lessons.
You will be loved by that one person.
You will encounter Him.
Life isn't perfect by your standards, or by the world's standards, but all those little imperfections that you think exist create this giant masterpiece that God already had the blueprints for even before you were born. The reason why puzzles aren't made up of pieces that are perfect squares is because then they would never have a way to connect to one another - the little protrusions and bumps and crevices are there so that they can link together tightly...and perfectly. :)
Thursday, September 17, 2009
you belong with me
Or do you?
Have you ever been in love? (And by that, I mean, have you ever been in infatuation?)
Have you ever met a group of people you just clicked with at camp, and all of y'all became super duper best friends forever?
Have you ever made vows with your elementary, middle, high school, college friends to never forget each other, never lose touch, never keep things from each other, never leave behind all those crazy fun times you had together?
And then:
Have you ever fallen out of love/infatuation?
Have you ever said your farewells at the end of the 3, 6, 9 week session, met up/emailed/called a few times afterwards, and then lost touch virtually forever?
Have you ever just gotten so busy with your life at hand that you weren't able to keep your promise to always stay in touch?
What happens during that time? The lull after you let go? The void where new experiences, feelings, people come into your life?
People change. And just like in my previous entry, there's a time for everything...and I guess, everyone.
I had a friend tell me recently: "Sometimes there might be periods/seasons when we're close to someone, then we drift away. Or God places certain friends together for specific times, and then allows them to drift, which is fine too."
And you know, now is not the time to get disillusioned with people - although it's hard to not become that way - but the more I realize the intricacies of people relationships and how really, it's not in our hands, the more I become aware of how my relationship with God should be.
God is not someone who I can put up in a scrapbook of pictures and notes, not someone I can friend on Facebook after six or so years (although...apparently you can become a "fan" of Him...to which I say, wow.), not someone I can write bitter notes about how we've drifted apart. Because He's constant. He's yesterday, today, tomorrow - and not only that, His love for me has never faltered. It's actually my fault whenever our relationship takes a dip. And as tiring as that might sound - always being the one with fault - it's actually easier than maintaining a relationship with another person. As long as you hold up your end of the deal, He'll always be there...whereas with other people, if you drop the line, there's definitely no guarantee that the person will remain holding onto the other end of the styrofoam cup-telephone line.
Of course, there's that saying (which was popularized in Christina Aguilera's song, "What A Girl Wants", oh the '90s) - "They say if you love something let it go/If it comes back it's yours/That's how you know/It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure" - which means, if that person is actually meant to run the race with you long-term, even if you do drop your end and they leave, they'll come back - in which case, sure, have faith in people by all means.
But I think that's also true of our relationship with God - ultimately, God knows we'll be back if we've already accepted Him and tasted His goodness once. So even when we fall short, even when we fail, even when we leave, He'll always be there to welcome us back with open arms. Because you know what happens in that lull and that void? BAD things. LOL jk. Well, not necessarily "bad" things, but definitely things where we feel the absence...oftentimes by simply feeling an emptiness. And God knows this. And He wants you back, but He's willing to wait for you.
So. Don't make Him wait any longer. Think of Him singing, "If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can't you see? You belong with me." Kind of a funny picture, I'll admit. But yeah.
You belong with Him.
Have you ever been in love? (And by that, I mean, have you ever been in infatuation?)
Have you ever met a group of people you just clicked with at camp, and all of y'all became super duper best friends forever?
Have you ever made vows with your elementary, middle, high school, college friends to never forget each other, never lose touch, never keep things from each other, never leave behind all those crazy fun times you had together?
And then:
Have you ever fallen out of love/infatuation?
Have you ever said your farewells at the end of the 3, 6, 9 week session, met up/emailed/called a few times afterwards, and then lost touch virtually forever?
Have you ever just gotten so busy with your life at hand that you weren't able to keep your promise to always stay in touch?
What happens during that time? The lull after you let go? The void where new experiences, feelings, people come into your life?
People change. And just like in my previous entry, there's a time for everything...and I guess, everyone.
I had a friend tell me recently: "Sometimes there might be periods/seasons when we're close to someone, then we drift away. Or God places certain friends together for specific times, and then allows them to drift, which is fine too."
And you know, now is not the time to get disillusioned with people - although it's hard to not become that way - but the more I realize the intricacies of people relationships and how really, it's not in our hands, the more I become aware of how my relationship with God should be.
God is not someone who I can put up in a scrapbook of pictures and notes, not someone I can friend on Facebook after six or so years (although...apparently you can become a "fan" of Him...to which I say, wow.), not someone I can write bitter notes about how we've drifted apart. Because He's constant. He's yesterday, today, tomorrow - and not only that, His love for me has never faltered. It's actually my fault whenever our relationship takes a dip. And as tiring as that might sound - always being the one with fault - it's actually easier than maintaining a relationship with another person. As long as you hold up your end of the deal, He'll always be there...whereas with other people, if you drop the line, there's definitely no guarantee that the person will remain holding onto the other end of the styrofoam cup-telephone line.
Of course, there's that saying (which was popularized in Christina Aguilera's song, "What A Girl Wants", oh the '90s) - "They say if you love something let it go/If it comes back it's yours/That's how you know/It's for keeps, yeah, it's for sure" - which means, if that person is actually meant to run the race with you long-term, even if you do drop your end and they leave, they'll come back - in which case, sure, have faith in people by all means.
But I think that's also true of our relationship with God - ultimately, God knows we'll be back if we've already accepted Him and tasted His goodness once. So even when we fall short, even when we fail, even when we leave, He'll always be there to welcome us back with open arms. Because you know what happens in that lull and that void? BAD things. LOL jk. Well, not necessarily "bad" things, but definitely things where we feel the absence...oftentimes by simply feeling an emptiness. And God knows this. And He wants you back, but He's willing to wait for you.
So. Don't make Him wait any longer. Think of Him singing, "If you could see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along, so why can't you see? You belong with me." Kind of a funny picture, I'll admit. But yeah.
You belong with Him.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
there is a time for everything
As you get older, you realize that there's a time for everything.
After switching around my class schedule around for the first time since coming to Penn, I've finally reached a pretty good schedule. Yes, I will have to study hardcore. Yes, I now have a 9am recitation on Fridays, but certain sacrifices must be made. A time to sleep and a time to learn.
I also had to leave Overflow (the dance ministry at my church) for this semester because Monday rehearsals conflict with my octet coaching time. This was unbelievably painful, to tell you the truth, and so I was adamant about not leaving at first, but I figured it was the right thing to do this time around. A time to be stubborn and a time to cooperate.
I feel myself withdrawing more and more into my room (now that it's twice as big as last year's, I actually have room for a fridge - with food - and space on my desk.) And this isn't that great health-wise, because I tend not to see the sun (I'm a vampire, bwahaha). But I think I need this break from the social person I know I am on the inside; it contributes to the gentle and quiet spirit. A time to emerge and a time to retire.
What I've learned from being at Penn so far (a grand total of 8 days) is that my plans are less than God's plans. Complete surrender doesn't mean just giving up what's convenient for me, what I've allotted for Him in my own mind - it means giving up everything, being completely uprooted even if it's not convenient for me at all.
And it's the little things that are the most difficult to give up. Yeah, investing more time into studying and being a hermit, shifting around some extra-curricular activities - those might seem like simple tasks, but in all honesty, they're harder to do than the cliched, "All right, I'll drop everything and go be a missionary in Africa for You." It goes against the little things that are so part of you that they're practically embedded in your skin. But there's a time to hold on and there's a time to let go.
God wants me to take pride in His perfect planning, not my own. So what can I say to that?
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:I never realized the depth of this passage until today. I had offered it to a friend yesterday who was coping with a tragedy in her life, but I realized that it wasn't just for those kinds of big things, but also for our day-to-day things. For my day-to-day things.
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
After switching around my class schedule around for the first time since coming to Penn, I've finally reached a pretty good schedule. Yes, I will have to study hardcore. Yes, I now have a 9am recitation on Fridays, but certain sacrifices must be made. A time to sleep and a time to learn.
I also had to leave Overflow (the dance ministry at my church) for this semester because Monday rehearsals conflict with my octet coaching time. This was unbelievably painful, to tell you the truth, and so I was adamant about not leaving at first, but I figured it was the right thing to do this time around. A time to be stubborn and a time to cooperate.
I feel myself withdrawing more and more into my room (now that it's twice as big as last year's, I actually have room for a fridge - with food - and space on my desk.) And this isn't that great health-wise, because I tend not to see the sun (I'm a vampire, bwahaha). But I think I need this break from the social person I know I am on the inside; it contributes to the gentle and quiet spirit. A time to emerge and a time to retire.
What I've learned from being at Penn so far (a grand total of 8 days) is that my plans are less than God's plans. Complete surrender doesn't mean just giving up what's convenient for me, what I've allotted for Him in my own mind - it means giving up everything, being completely uprooted even if it's not convenient for me at all.
And it's the little things that are the most difficult to give up. Yeah, investing more time into studying and being a hermit, shifting around some extra-curricular activities - those might seem like simple tasks, but in all honesty, they're harder to do than the cliched, "All right, I'll drop everything and go be a missionary in Africa for You." It goes against the little things that are so part of you that they're practically embedded in your skin. But there's a time to hold on and there's a time to let go.
God wants me to take pride in His perfect planning, not my own. So what can I say to that?
Friday, September 11, 2009
notes notes
Just a few notes at the end of the week:
I made a very general plan for the next 3 years of college, as well as potential career pathway. But who knows? Something that needs a LOT of prayer.
I'm excited about all my classes - yes, even Econ 001. And maybe that's only because we haven't actually done anything yet.
I'm stupid about shoes - I should have brought more closed-toed (close-toed? closed-toe?) shoes, but I thought we'd have a little bit more time for summer. NOT.
My stomach capacity has shrunk(en?). No more Postmarked-style gorging, I guess. LOL.
I feel like I'm losing mastery of the English language...and getting bouts of premature Alzheimer's.
Themes of this year: Waiting. Focusing. Being gentle and quiet.
I don't know why, but once I just full-out admit everything that's been on my heart out loud, I just stop worrying about them. Particularly about people. Isn't that strange? Maybe that's why I think I move on easily...because I hold on and on until I reach a certain point and then I just go "pop!" and I'm no longer holding on, just moving forward through the dust/confetti.
I realize again why I hate Philly rain. Welcome back.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
motivations: "behind the scenes"
Or so to say.
Just wanted to add some insight as well as maybe a helpful chart to clear up some confusion about how all the parts in Motivations are tied together.
Parts 1-4: Based off the heart motives sermon series from Covenant Fellowship Church, so props to that first. Basically, shows how people live for themselves.
Parts 5-8: I just thought of how these people could turn their lives around if they let God be in the picture, so the Bible verses behind these parts were -
P.5 Trust - But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. Psalm 13:5P.6 Hope - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11P.7 Forgive - Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13P.8 Praise - I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. Psalm 57:9
----
People:
Part 1: Neil, Natalie
Part 2: Allison, Derek (cameo: Harry as their professor)
Part 3: Leah (cameo: Neil as the guy praying after service)
Part 4: Harry, Annette (mention: Natalie as Harry's younger sister)
Part 5: Allison, Natalie
Part 6: Leah, Neil
Part 7: Harry, Annette
Part 8: Neil, Leah, Natalie
Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
first day reflections
Back to school, back to school.
It was interesting being in two introductory classes today (political science and economics, respectively.) You can tell people are freshmen when they excitedly introduce themselves to you, like "Hi! My name is -----!" And when you ask, "Are you freshmen?" and they say, "Yeah!" and you say, "I'm a sophomore/junior/senior", they go, "...oh..." I know this standard procedure well, because it's something I did on my first day of biology class last year, when I tried to introduce myself to the junior girl next to me.
But eating in Hill with a friend, living in the Quad, walking down Locust Walk - all of those things that are so characteristic of last year and yet also characteristic of this year - they're all different now that I'm a year older, stronger, wiser?
And yet...I feel like I'm still back in the same spot that I was last year in a handful of ways.
When can I stop waiting for things to work out?
It was interesting being in two introductory classes today (political science and economics, respectively.) You can tell people are freshmen when they excitedly introduce themselves to you, like "Hi! My name is -----!" And when you ask, "Are you freshmen?" and they say, "Yeah!" and you say, "I'm a sophomore/junior/senior", they go, "...oh..." I know this standard procedure well, because it's something I did on my first day of biology class last year, when I tried to introduce myself to the junior girl next to me.
But eating in Hill with a friend, living in the Quad, walking down Locust Walk - all of those things that are so characteristic of last year and yet also characteristic of this year - they're all different now that I'm a year older, stronger, wiser?
And yet...I feel like I'm still back in the same spot that I was last year in a handful of ways.
When can I stop waiting for things to work out?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
motivations: praise
Last part - I admit I don't know if I like the ending completely, but for now, it'll do. Thanks for reading!
A sigh. “Maybe I was wrong to be too…cool about it all.”
“Then what else would you have done?”
“Maybe I should have cared more.”
“So you didn’t care when it happened.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“What do you want me to say then? That I agree? That you should come back?”
Another sigh. “I’m just having a tough time right now, Neil. I’m just confused about how I feel, and I wish I had someone to lean on, I guess.”
“That’s all I’m still good for, yeah?”
“You know what, I’m sorry for calling. Thanks for coming to the funeral.”
“Natalie – ” Click.
He loosened his tie and untied his shoelaces, slumping into the couch.
Of course he had wanted to comfort her; her estranged father had just passed away. She had spent her adult life trying to disassociate herself from her family that had been filled with too much sadness since she was born, only to find at the very end that it was capable of having joy as well. He knew she found it strange to find both her brother and her father Christian after six months, to see him lying in a casket in a church, to see a little boy dressed in black tearing up next to her sister-in-law, to know that everything had been reconciled without her. He knew she felt alone.
And so when she called him somewhat randomly a few days ago asking him to come to her father’s funeral and hurriedly explaining why he had to be there, he couldn’t say no right away.
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re bitter.”
“And I don’t have any right to be bitter?”
“Wasn’t it you that said there was a reason for everything?”
“Sure, but I think this is more or less a temptation test or even better, a reminder that I need to focus on other things than my own feelings.”
“No, I’m sure there’s a more fruitful reason than that.”
“I’m just frustrated with it all.”
Leah looked at him so pointedly he felt the need to avert his own eyes. “Do you still miss her?”
“No,” he answered immediately. “I mean, I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it until yesterday. Or, I haven’t really thought it about it until yesterday? I don’t want to think about it. She just needs moral support right now more than anything else, and I don’t think she’s thinking straight.”
“Then maybe you should be that support she needs.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“You can’t really decide that on your own, you know.”
He paced the room back and forth, opening and closing his phone several times before getting to the “Recent Calls” page. He took a deep breath and made the call. It rang several times before going to the voicemail. Ending the call with a glare, he stared at his phone in frustration until it suddenly rang again.
“Hello?”
“Hi, sorry I missed your call.” Her heavy and unhappy voice made him regret the call.
“No, it’s fine,” he answered, thinking that it might have been better if she hadn’t called him back at all.
“So…”
“I just…wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He tapped his chair’s armrest with his right hand as he spoke. “I don’t think I was being tactful at all, and I understand that things have been a little chaotic for you. I think I was hit with a lot in one day, so honestly, I’m here if you want to talk, but I don’t know how much of a comfort I’ll be, because – ”
“Neil.” She sighed audibly over the phone. “It’s okay. I threw a lot at you. I feel like I’m having a mental breakdown every two hours and I’m not used to feeling so unstable.”
“I know the feeling.” With that statement, he knew this was something he had to do.
“I think she’s having her breaking period a little late.”
“Don’t joke around like that.”
“No, but I’m serious. Isn’t it a bit more apparent to you why you’re going through with this?”
“Maybe.”
“Why do you think this is so hard for you?”
“If I knew the reason, it’d be easier for me to get over myself.”
“Be patient.” She glanced at him with a sympathetic smile and got up with her latte. “Anyway, I have practice in twenty minutes – we’ll talk later.”
She said she felt like she didn’t know her brother anymore. Neil had met him once at her birthday dinner – he had seemed very agitated and yet authoritative; the man he had seen last week was more subdued and at peace. He asked her if it was a change she didn’t like. No, she responded. It was more or less a change she could not grasp, although in her right mind, she would find it comforting to know that things were going well for him, for he had always been her favorite brother.
She said she wanted to ask what had been going on, and she knew that with the holidays coming up, it might call for some actual family time, to reflect and talk sincerely, things she had been avoiding for a while, but the idea of it all stressed her out. She felt like she had too much on her plate to even properly buy the right Christmas presents. What frustrated her even more was the fact that she had always celebrated the December holidays with no reason, but now her family had reason to and she had no idea why.
He kept getting choked up each time her religious inquiries arose in their conversations. What could he say? He was new to this whole experience too.
“I feel like I should have better things to say, but I don’t.”
“Your own experiences should suffice,” she said, lightly tapping her coffee cup. “I found them very intriguing, even from a secular point of view.”
“It’s hard to bring up because it had a lot to do with her, to be honest.”
“I figured.” She started drawing random shapes on the napkin in front of her.
“Is this boring you?” He thought back to all their previous conversations. “I feel like we always talk about me.”
“We do,” she said, then added, “but it’s okay,” thinking better of her curt response.
“Right.”
“I think it’s one of those pay-it-forward type deals. I’ve received my comfort from Him, so I can pass it along to you, and then you can pass it along to her. We only know how to love others because we received that love first, you know? You’re not trying to beat her or even please her this time – you’re trying to meet her where she is.”
She said she needed time to sort out her emotions, so she asked him for a little break in the phone calls. He obliged, but felt an odd emptiness now that he had no need to hold onto the phone for hours at a time. So, he took some time away from everyone else to reflect as well, until Leah called to meet.
“So, you aren’t over your emotions.”
“No, I am. I just feel empty.”
“Because you haven’t talked to her?”
“Yes? No? I don’t know why.”
“Maybe you gave too much of yourself away again.”
“No, she was the one pouring out her thoughts to me, not the other way around.”
“Maybe you did it subconsciously,” she whispered.
“I think maybe I wanted to say something back. Something more of substance than just ‘okay’ or ‘yeah,’ you know, before she took time to reflect. Something to really show His love for her?”
“I wanted to share something with you,” she suddenly said, almost disregarding his previous statements. “I realized why God put me in this situation and didn’t let me go through with any of my own plans.”
He raised an eyebrow with interest. “Really?”
“I’ve been talking to my cousin, who’s atheist, and she’s been curious, but unopened, to the idea that a God does exist.”
“Right.”
“And I’m going to my parents’ house in Georgia for Christmas, actually. We’re having a family reunion and we’ll be attending service at my parents’ church, but I know she’s not looking forward to it all.” She paused. “But I feel this anxiety, but a good kind, because I’m going to be leading worship there on Christmas Eve. And I feel like He’s telling me that He’s going to use me that day, through music, to reach her.”
“You know this for sure?”
She made a thinking motion, then nodded slowly. “I can feel it.”
“And you think – ”
“I think I’m in a unique position to say what my knowledge and experience cannot say…through song.” She laughed nervously. “It’s really nerve-wrecking, but I feel the most alive I’ve felt in a while.”
He thought back to the first time he had heard her sing during their services, and recalled the power and comfort he felt. “I’m glad for you,” he said.
She looked at him for a moment, as if almost disappointed with his response. “Thank you,” she finally answered. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small wrapped box.
“It’s nothing big, but I just wanted to wish you an early Merry Christmas, since I won’t be seeing you.” She placed it carefully on the table and got up just as carefully. “Thanks for everything. I need to run right now. Enjoy your time with your family!”
She turned back to a surprised Neil and added, “I think you should tell her.” And she left.
He mustered enough courage to visit Natalie in New York on Christmas Eve. They were to meet for lunch at a nice restaurant near Rockefeller Center. He was wearing a black coat, scarf, and jeans, but as he stepped into the bitter New York air, he immediately wished he were wearing a few more hundred layers.
He briefly thawed in the waiting area of the restaurant before walking toward the table at which Natalie sat. He perceived immediately that she seemed to be less burnt out and grieved, and was grateful for her return to her usual calm demeanor.
“Hi, Neil.”
“Hi. Merry Christmas.”
She smiled as she pulled out a flat envelope and set it on top of his plate. “I wrote you a card. Nothing too fancy, so don’t feel burdened.”
He picked it up and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket. “Thank you. I’ll read it on the way home.”
“So what brings you to the city?”
“I want to be honest with you, I just felt like it’d be easier to tell you in person.” He began his story, starting with the aftermath of their separation, things she had never bothered to find out after she left. She sat silently, eating when their food came out, sipping from her glass after the plates were taken away. There was something freeing about sharing his narrative with her, and he was strangely reminded of the time he had shared it with Leah. And without intending to, he began to share about his conversations with Leah as well.
“I don’t know what to make of this all,” she admitted after he finished. “But, thank you for letting me know. I…had no idea it had been so difficult for you.”
“I guess, I wanted you to know,” he said tentatively, “that you’re never completely alone, and I hope your time with your brother will help you to see that even more clearly.”
“I hope so too,” she answered deliberately. “I think…Leah has helped you see that as well.”
He looked at her as if it was his first time seeing her. “We should, um, head out,” he said quietly.
They left the restaurant and walked toward the Rockefeller ice rink to see the Christmas lights. She looked at him, watching him clearly roll around her last statement in his head.
“Neil,” she called, bringing him out of his reveries. “Lunch was lovely.” She leaned forward to kiss him gently on the cheek. “I have to go, but let’s keep in touch. Thanks for everything.”
She started to walk away, then turned around. “I think you should tell her,” she said, smiling.
He got into the car and read Natalie’s card. The contents were friendly, thanking him for his encouragement and reassurance, but one line stuck out in his mind: “I hope that you never pass up an opportunity to learn, give thanks, and love.”
The steering wheel of his car led him to the Newark Airport and he found himself begging to be put on a flight to Atlanta, offering to pay whatever amount was necessary for a roundtrip. As he sat nervously in the terminal, he pulled out Natalie’s card again and read it carefully, focusing on the line that he couldn’t help but read over and over again. Was this what he was supposed to do?
He tucked the card back into his coat pocket and pulled out the small box he had grabbed at the last minute from his car – Leah’s gift. Unwrapping it, he found a watch with a small note: “Time keeps ticking away, so I hope we both find our reasons why soon. Merry Christmas.”
The flight was longer than expected, possibly because of his anxiety – he had no idea where he was going or how he was going to get there, but he trusted that he would find the right place when he landed.
The church was on the smaller side, smaller than the one they attended back home. The Christmas tree in the corner was enormous, decorated with angels and stars of silver and gold, and lending a pine fresh scent to the room. People dressed in bright red and green lined the pews and the sound of an organ playing “Silent Night” filled the room. He saw Leah murmuring to the choir on the stage up front, then turning to the senior pastor sitting on the right, who looked very obviously like her father.
She stood up, motioning for the choir to stand up as well. He watched her conduct with enthusiasm, soaking in the cheerful atmosphere surrounding him. It was a much different experience from the one he was used to, but seeing her on stage as usual comforted him.
The time of offering followed the sermon, when she took the stage and began singing “O Holy Night.” There was something touching about her voice, something joyful in the words that she sang, and he felt the rush of the excitement of this momentous occasion that he had long ignored and taken only as a time of materialism and feel-good mentality. He saw the stars of that night and sensed the tension of the trek to find the baby Lord in a manger, His arrival unknown to most of the known world. It was beautiful and miraculous, and in that moment, he knew what he had learned so far was true – that God was true and that this amazing birth was true and that him belonging there was true. And most importantly, that her conviction was true.
The service ended and he did what he usually did after services – he prayed by himself for a bit, thanking God for bringing him this far and for guiding him along a better path. But this time, he felt a hand on his shoulder, so he opened his eyes and looked up.
“You came,” she said softly.
“I did.”
“How did you even…?”
“God has a plan for everything.” He smiled and stood up to face her. “You were right.”
“About?” She looked startled.
“About your reason. About speaking through song, through praise.”
“I – “
“You sang beautifully. I’m proud of you.”
She stood speechless before him. “Thank you,” she finally managed to say.
“And I want to tell you more, but I have to catch my flight back to see my family tomorrow.”
“That’s understandable.”
“But I want you to know that I’ve found my reason too.”
“I’m really glad to hear – ”
“You don’t have to say anything more.” He pulled on his coat, hesitated, and then kissed her. “Merry Christmas,” he said, leaning his forehead against hers.
Before she could react, he had already reached the doors. “See you soon.”
---
Praise
“Then what else would you have done?”
“Maybe I should have cared more.”
“So you didn’t care when it happened.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“What do you want me to say then? That I agree? That you should come back?”
Another sigh. “I’m just having a tough time right now, Neil. I’m just confused about how I feel, and I wish I had someone to lean on, I guess.”
“That’s all I’m still good for, yeah?”
“You know what, I’m sorry for calling. Thanks for coming to the funeral.”
“Natalie – ” Click.
He loosened his tie and untied his shoelaces, slumping into the couch.
Of course he had wanted to comfort her; her estranged father had just passed away. She had spent her adult life trying to disassociate herself from her family that had been filled with too much sadness since she was born, only to find at the very end that it was capable of having joy as well. He knew she found it strange to find both her brother and her father Christian after six months, to see him lying in a casket in a church, to see a little boy dressed in black tearing up next to her sister-in-law, to know that everything had been reconciled without her. He knew she felt alone.
And so when she called him somewhat randomly a few days ago asking him to come to her father’s funeral and hurriedly explaining why he had to be there, he couldn’t say no right away.
“What do you think?”
“I think you’re bitter.”
“And I don’t have any right to be bitter?”
“Wasn’t it you that said there was a reason for everything?”
“Sure, but I think this is more or less a temptation test or even better, a reminder that I need to focus on other things than my own feelings.”
“No, I’m sure there’s a more fruitful reason than that.”
“I’m just frustrated with it all.”
Leah looked at him so pointedly he felt the need to avert his own eyes. “Do you still miss her?”
“No,” he answered immediately. “I mean, I don’t know. I didn’t really think about it until yesterday. Or, I haven’t really thought it about it until yesterday? I don’t want to think about it. She just needs moral support right now more than anything else, and I don’t think she’s thinking straight.”
“Then maybe you should be that support she needs.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for that.”
“You can’t really decide that on your own, you know.”
He paced the room back and forth, opening and closing his phone several times before getting to the “Recent Calls” page. He took a deep breath and made the call. It rang several times before going to the voicemail. Ending the call with a glare, he stared at his phone in frustration until it suddenly rang again.
“Hello?”
“Hi, sorry I missed your call.” Her heavy and unhappy voice made him regret the call.
“No, it’s fine,” he answered, thinking that it might have been better if she hadn’t called him back at all.
“So…”
“I just…wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He tapped his chair’s armrest with his right hand as he spoke. “I don’t think I was being tactful at all, and I understand that things have been a little chaotic for you. I think I was hit with a lot in one day, so honestly, I’m here if you want to talk, but I don’t know how much of a comfort I’ll be, because – ”
“Neil.” She sighed audibly over the phone. “It’s okay. I threw a lot at you. I feel like I’m having a mental breakdown every two hours and I’m not used to feeling so unstable.”
“I know the feeling.” With that statement, he knew this was something he had to do.
They talked for two hours, catching each other up on everything that had gone unsaid for months. He did more listening than talking, as was the norm in their previous relationship, but this time, he wasn’t doing it to please her, but to support her – something he had tricked himself into thinking he was doing.
Work was difficult, she told him. Making friends was difficult, especially with her personality. It was even difficult for her to stomach the fact that the family she had wanted to leave behind so intently when she was young had legitimately dwindled down to just her brother and sister-in-law. And so she was afraid, she said, that things were moving forward without her even realizing that she wasn’t moving forward with them. Everything had been in line for her, but now she didn’t know what her priorities should be.
Work was difficult, she told him. Making friends was difficult, especially with her personality. It was even difficult for her to stomach the fact that the family she had wanted to leave behind so intently when she was young had legitimately dwindled down to just her brother and sister-in-law. And so she was afraid, she said, that things were moving forward without her even realizing that she wasn’t moving forward with them. Everything had been in line for her, but now she didn’t know what her priorities should be.
“I think she’s having her breaking period a little late.”
“Don’t joke around like that.”
“No, but I’m serious. Isn’t it a bit more apparent to you why you’re going through with this?”
“Maybe.”
“Why do you think this is so hard for you?”
“If I knew the reason, it’d be easier for me to get over myself.”
“Be patient.” She glanced at him with a sympathetic smile and got up with her latte. “Anyway, I have practice in twenty minutes – we’ll talk later.”
She said she felt like she didn’t know her brother anymore. Neil had met him once at her birthday dinner – he had seemed very agitated and yet authoritative; the man he had seen last week was more subdued and at peace. He asked her if it was a change she didn’t like. No, she responded. It was more or less a change she could not grasp, although in her right mind, she would find it comforting to know that things were going well for him, for he had always been her favorite brother.
She said she wanted to ask what had been going on, and she knew that with the holidays coming up, it might call for some actual family time, to reflect and talk sincerely, things she had been avoiding for a while, but the idea of it all stressed her out. She felt like she had too much on her plate to even properly buy the right Christmas presents. What frustrated her even more was the fact that she had always celebrated the December holidays with no reason, but now her family had reason to and she had no idea why.
He kept getting choked up each time her religious inquiries arose in their conversations. What could he say? He was new to this whole experience too.
“I feel like I should have better things to say, but I don’t.”
“Your own experiences should suffice,” she said, lightly tapping her coffee cup. “I found them very intriguing, even from a secular point of view.”
“It’s hard to bring up because it had a lot to do with her, to be honest.”
“I figured.” She started drawing random shapes on the napkin in front of her.
“Is this boring you?” He thought back to all their previous conversations. “I feel like we always talk about me.”
“We do,” she said, then added, “but it’s okay,” thinking better of her curt response.
“Right.”
“I think it’s one of those pay-it-forward type deals. I’ve received my comfort from Him, so I can pass it along to you, and then you can pass it along to her. We only know how to love others because we received that love first, you know? You’re not trying to beat her or even please her this time – you’re trying to meet her where she is.”
She said she needed time to sort out her emotions, so she asked him for a little break in the phone calls. He obliged, but felt an odd emptiness now that he had no need to hold onto the phone for hours at a time. So, he took some time away from everyone else to reflect as well, until Leah called to meet.
“So, you aren’t over your emotions.”
“No, I am. I just feel empty.”
“Because you haven’t talked to her?”
“Yes? No? I don’t know why.”
“Maybe you gave too much of yourself away again.”
“No, she was the one pouring out her thoughts to me, not the other way around.”
“Maybe you did it subconsciously,” she whispered.
“I think maybe I wanted to say something back. Something more of substance than just ‘okay’ or ‘yeah,’ you know, before she took time to reflect. Something to really show His love for her?”
“I wanted to share something with you,” she suddenly said, almost disregarding his previous statements. “I realized why God put me in this situation and didn’t let me go through with any of my own plans.”
He raised an eyebrow with interest. “Really?”
“I’ve been talking to my cousin, who’s atheist, and she’s been curious, but unopened, to the idea that a God does exist.”
“Right.”
“And I’m going to my parents’ house in Georgia for Christmas, actually. We’re having a family reunion and we’ll be attending service at my parents’ church, but I know she’s not looking forward to it all.” She paused. “But I feel this anxiety, but a good kind, because I’m going to be leading worship there on Christmas Eve. And I feel like He’s telling me that He’s going to use me that day, through music, to reach her.”
“You know this for sure?”
She made a thinking motion, then nodded slowly. “I can feel it.”
“And you think – ”
“I think I’m in a unique position to say what my knowledge and experience cannot say…through song.” She laughed nervously. “It’s really nerve-wrecking, but I feel the most alive I’ve felt in a while.”
He thought back to the first time he had heard her sing during their services, and recalled the power and comfort he felt. “I’m glad for you,” he said.
She looked at him for a moment, as if almost disappointed with his response. “Thank you,” she finally answered. She reached into her purse and pulled out a small wrapped box.
“It’s nothing big, but I just wanted to wish you an early Merry Christmas, since I won’t be seeing you.” She placed it carefully on the table and got up just as carefully. “Thanks for everything. I need to run right now. Enjoy your time with your family!”
She turned back to a surprised Neil and added, “I think you should tell her.” And she left.
He mustered enough courage to visit Natalie in New York on Christmas Eve. They were to meet for lunch at a nice restaurant near Rockefeller Center. He was wearing a black coat, scarf, and jeans, but as he stepped into the bitter New York air, he immediately wished he were wearing a few more hundred layers.
He briefly thawed in the waiting area of the restaurant before walking toward the table at which Natalie sat. He perceived immediately that she seemed to be less burnt out and grieved, and was grateful for her return to her usual calm demeanor.
“Hi, Neil.”
“Hi. Merry Christmas.”
She smiled as she pulled out a flat envelope and set it on top of his plate. “I wrote you a card. Nothing too fancy, so don’t feel burdened.”
He picked it up and tucked it into the inside pocket of his jacket. “Thank you. I’ll read it on the way home.”
“So what brings you to the city?”
“I want to be honest with you, I just felt like it’d be easier to tell you in person.” He began his story, starting with the aftermath of their separation, things she had never bothered to find out after she left. She sat silently, eating when their food came out, sipping from her glass after the plates were taken away. There was something freeing about sharing his narrative with her, and he was strangely reminded of the time he had shared it with Leah. And without intending to, he began to share about his conversations with Leah as well.
“I don’t know what to make of this all,” she admitted after he finished. “But, thank you for letting me know. I…had no idea it had been so difficult for you.”
“I guess, I wanted you to know,” he said tentatively, “that you’re never completely alone, and I hope your time with your brother will help you to see that even more clearly.”
“I hope so too,” she answered deliberately. “I think…Leah has helped you see that as well.”
He looked at her as if it was his first time seeing her. “We should, um, head out,” he said quietly.
They left the restaurant and walked toward the Rockefeller ice rink to see the Christmas lights. She looked at him, watching him clearly roll around her last statement in his head.
“Neil,” she called, bringing him out of his reveries. “Lunch was lovely.” She leaned forward to kiss him gently on the cheek. “I have to go, but let’s keep in touch. Thanks for everything.”
She started to walk away, then turned around. “I think you should tell her,” she said, smiling.
He got into the car and read Natalie’s card. The contents were friendly, thanking him for his encouragement and reassurance, but one line stuck out in his mind: “I hope that you never pass up an opportunity to learn, give thanks, and love.”
The steering wheel of his car led him to the Newark Airport and he found himself begging to be put on a flight to Atlanta, offering to pay whatever amount was necessary for a roundtrip. As he sat nervously in the terminal, he pulled out Natalie’s card again and read it carefully, focusing on the line that he couldn’t help but read over and over again. Was this what he was supposed to do?
He tucked the card back into his coat pocket and pulled out the small box he had grabbed at the last minute from his car – Leah’s gift. Unwrapping it, he found a watch with a small note: “Time keeps ticking away, so I hope we both find our reasons why soon. Merry Christmas.”
The flight was longer than expected, possibly because of his anxiety – he had no idea where he was going or how he was going to get there, but he trusted that he would find the right place when he landed.
The church was on the smaller side, smaller than the one they attended back home. The Christmas tree in the corner was enormous, decorated with angels and stars of silver and gold, and lending a pine fresh scent to the room. People dressed in bright red and green lined the pews and the sound of an organ playing “Silent Night” filled the room. He saw Leah murmuring to the choir on the stage up front, then turning to the senior pastor sitting on the right, who looked very obviously like her father.
She stood up, motioning for the choir to stand up as well. He watched her conduct with enthusiasm, soaking in the cheerful atmosphere surrounding him. It was a much different experience from the one he was used to, but seeing her on stage as usual comforted him.
The time of offering followed the sermon, when she took the stage and began singing “O Holy Night.” There was something touching about her voice, something joyful in the words that she sang, and he felt the rush of the excitement of this momentous occasion that he had long ignored and taken only as a time of materialism and feel-good mentality. He saw the stars of that night and sensed the tension of the trek to find the baby Lord in a manger, His arrival unknown to most of the known world. It was beautiful and miraculous, and in that moment, he knew what he had learned so far was true – that God was true and that this amazing birth was true and that him belonging there was true. And most importantly, that her conviction was true.
The service ended and he did what he usually did after services – he prayed by himself for a bit, thanking God for bringing him this far and for guiding him along a better path. But this time, he felt a hand on his shoulder, so he opened his eyes and looked up.
“You came,” she said softly.
“I did.”
“How did you even…?”
“God has a plan for everything.” He smiled and stood up to face her. “You were right.”
“About?” She looked startled.
“About your reason. About speaking through song, through praise.”
“I – “
“You sang beautifully. I’m proud of you.”
She stood speechless before him. “Thank you,” she finally managed to say.
“And I want to tell you more, but I have to catch my flight back to see my family tomorrow.”
“That’s understandable.”
“But I want you to know that I’ve found my reason too.”
“I’m really glad to hear – ”
“You don’t have to say anything more.” He pulled on his coat, hesitated, and then kissed her. “Merry Christmas,” he said, leaning his forehead against hers.
Before she could react, he had already reached the doors. “See you soon.”
© 2009. Sarah R.
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