turtle love

Just wanted to share a cute picture :)

Also, nice try, but no one got the 10 points...she's actually from here.

Hope to write soon!!

♥ Sarah

untitled: introduction

Summer vignette series 2010 begins today! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish this just like I did last summer - only by the grace of God! But...I have a big paper due next Wednesday, so to keep myself from blogging/writing something other than my paper until then, I just wanted to get this first post out of the way. The series is untitled so far - I had a title, but it sounded too emo and not reflective (haha pun, if you knew what I was considering) of what the series was going to turn out to be, so for now, it will remain title-less. And I'm a bit rusty, so please forgive any traces of lame-ness/poor writing skillz haha

And as always, (for anyone who stumbles upon this), all writing is original so no reproduction/distribution without my permission! (You know, just to be paranoid and safe -_-)

10 points if you guess where the main character is from :)

-----

Introduction

Clickity-clackity. Clickity-clackity.
Whirrrrrrr.
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Whirrrrrrr.

The noise was deafening. She could feel herself half-dozing off as she absentmindedly made 50 copies of 20-page packets of approximately 7,500 words for this week’s slew of meetings. She could hardly hear the soft-and-silky voice of what’s-her-name-again-indie-singer crooning at her through her iPod headphones. The smell of fresh ink on warm paper filled her nostrils, reminding her of the smell she got when she walked into Staples every fall when it came time to buy new school supplies - a favorite pastime that she pretended to engage in every time she visited the supply room to grab a new notepad or a box of black Skilcraft pens.

She wasn’t sure if she liked her job or not. To her great unexpected disappointment, she wasn’t able to land the advertising gig that she had been banking on for all of April. In May, when she finally heard back from a small advocacy-oriented non-profit in need of a social media-savvy marketing intern, she gladly accepted the position within two hours of receiving their email. At first, it sounded relatively interesting - they told her she would be writing blog entries, networking with similar organizations and perhaps even aiding in the development of a new campaign. When she arrived, it was a completely different story: the blog was already an unpopular read since it mostly consisted of one of the supervisors posting up pictures of her with eco-friendly shoes, shirts, bracelets, nose rings, light bulbs, toilet paper; “networking” really meant stalking the other organizations’ websites, plugging information into an Excel spreadsheet and not being able to actually make any phone calls; her ideas for the campaign were met with a that’s-cute-pat-pat smile. Thus, she found herself making copies and running around doing whatever oddball job they had for her. And she wasn’t even getting compensated.

On the upside, she was getting a first-hand look at what it really meant to rally up small voices to amplify one big voice for a specific cause. She was learning that marketing wasn’t just about having clever (read: manipulative) ideas, but it also required a significant amount of research. She felt like everyone in the office was genuinely interested in what they were advocating for, and this inspired her to find her own cause. She got free bagels in the morning. Lastly, she was in New York City - a city she had been dying to explore since she was seven years old.

She lived in a cozy apartment with two other roommates. The three of them saved as much money as possible by eating at home when they could, although they would dare to indulge themselves on the weekends. They all loved making sauce-less pasta with peas, mozzarella and butter, and watching a sappy movie on Lifetime every once in a while. One of them had a boyfriend; one of them had a boyfriend until a few weeks ago when he admitted (and this roommate was shocked at herself for not noticing earlier) that he was gay.

Derek had emailed her earlier that morning. Or rather, not her directly, but he had put her on his list of people to email while he was on a mission trip to Louisiana for six weeks this summer. It was strange to her, reading updates on the supposedly “crazy” things “God” was doing in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina and now the devastating oil spill, as well as scanning the list of “prayer requests” he jotted down in earnest. “I covet your prayers very much,” he had written at the end. She didn’t know exactly what that meant, so she felt bad that she wasn’t able to help in this arena. She did send him a check for $25 to support him - anything more would have seemed overboard, considering the fragile state of their friendship/relationship, but every once in a while, she caught herself feeling the urge to actually pray for him. Yet how did one go about doing such a foreign ritual anyway?

She pushed away these sudden thoughts of Derek and his summer escapades. It wasn’t healthy, always having her thoughts return to him and his well-being. But hearing from him every week for the past three weeks, however impersonal it was, still opened up simultaneous feelings of affection and hurt mingled with regret and disappointment - the emotional wave was a bit addictive, and she found herself deliberately riding on it from time to time. Toward dangerous territory.

The copy machine finally came to an end with its printing, purring to a content lull of near silence. The entire room definitely smelled like Eau de Staples. She picked up the stack of papers that emanated heat in her arms and walked back to her cubicle to slip each 20-page packet into a pristine laminated-cover folder, being careful not to leave any obscene thumbprints.

She heard a light tap behind her. She swirled around in her horrendously uncomfortable chair to face the legal intern from four cubicles down and around-the-corner.

“Hiya stranger.” He smiled - rather, grinned - unabashedly.
“Hi.”
“I picked up some coffee from downstairs, was wondering if you’d want a free soy latte - I hate soy milk, but they made a mistake, so yeah, I’ve been wandering around to see if anyone would take it.” He stuck out a standard tall white cup with a brown biodegradable sleeve - the biodegradable part was important to the organization, especially Queen Eco-Blogger three cubicles to the right.
“Um, sure, thanks.” She accepted it and took a quick sip. It was still scorching hot.
“No problem!” He popped out as quickly as he came in.

She set the latte on her desk and waited for the clock to tick until 5 PM.

© 2010 by Sarah R.

the voice of wisdom

So often, I look back on these past two years and I think of how much time and love certain people have poured into me, listening to me complain via Gchat at 2 am or vent over dinner about all my little woes and anxieties. And each time I've paused to say, "I'm sorry I'm just like...word-vomiting at you" or "I know this is so much to take in, sorry," I've always been answered, "No, it's okay, don't worry," when I'm sure some of the time, it wasn't okay. It must have been so frustrating to listen to me talk about the same things over and over and over again (because if something hasn't been resolved, I have a tendency to just repeat myself until I can "talk out" a solution); it must have been frustrating to have 2-3 hours of their time eaten up because I just couldn't stop talking; it must have been frustrating to have to listen and not be able to say what was on their hearts; it must have been frustrating just to have another prayer request to slap onto the list of a ton they have from other people and for themselves already.

But I'm blown away each time when they just take it in, let me talk, and moreover, lend the wisdom I need in these situations I struggle with. So many times, I think I'm able to handle things, I think I know my way around, and I can almost predict what they're going to say, what sort of Bible verse they're going to throw at me. (In fact, I even pissed one person off once because I was so adamant that I knew exactly what they were going to say to me, so what was even the point in talking?) But in the end, I'm just being a prideful noob who merely thinks she's seeing things from all angles and drawing the best conclusions when actually, she's being close-minded and not thinking WWJD. I can see why God didn't create our faith to just be worked out on our own, but worked out in the midst of fellowship, as we spur one another onto good deeds and love. There are some brothers and sisters that I've talked to who just stun me with the depth of their faith and the ferocity of their love for God and the insight from their walks. But there are also others who might be difficult to appreciate or take seriously at times, and yet, God pokes my judgmental heart and uses them in His own mysterious ways to edify me and grow me in an unprecedented way.

So, even though this was short, I guess the point is, I just want to thank whoever reads this (especially the certain people who have already identified themselves as victims of my word-vomits -_-) for being so patient with me and for being so obedient to Him and allowing yourself to be used in a powerful way in my life.

Sanks the deals deng ♥

eeeeee!

^ a la my darling Ms. Young :)

Happy happy joy joy! So, the love of my life (aka Mr. Zhang's girlfriend) got me a "Book of Happy" for my birthday, so I could write down things that make me happy or just happy things in general. I unfortunately found the notebook so cute already that I haven't ventured to fill it with my ugly handwriting LOL but I wanted to share 5 things here that are happy-fying things! So:

1. Sometimes, when I'm walking in the city with my iPod on and I'm listening to upbeat songs...I just feel like breaking out in dance and I can hardly contain myself as the most that I can do is just tap my feet and bob my head every once in a while. But I really wish sometimes my life were a movie (okay not really, I like my privacy kthx) JUST SO I can have music play in the background whenever I wanted and I could just break out into song/dance if I felt like it and it would be absolutely positively normal. For now, coming back to the privacy of my room, blasting music, and singing&dancing will have to do.

2. I LOVE YELLOW. I don't know if you've noticed, (it's 99.9% likely you have), I LOVE YELLOW. Yesterday, wearing a yellow dress to work put me in a really good mood. And on the way home, I saw yellow roses outside the Foggy Bottom metro station. And my bed is yellow! And I love my bed :) So yay!

2.5. I'm sure everyone has heard this by now, but it's such a cute song, I couldn't resist:

3. I think I've found something that I really want to do starting in the fall! (I'm pretty sure, but not 200% sure, so until then, you can just ask me personally about it haha) But basically, I think I've found an opportunity to volunteer and actually see a tangible impact on people's lives. When it comes to volunteering, I think it's always been a nice idea, and something I whole-heartedly wish I could do, but I just hadn't found the right niche/cause yet. But after visiting the DC branch today, I think this might be it! So, please pray for me, that I would relentlessly pursue it as I work out my various time commitments for this upcoming year, because I don't want to lose this kind of motivation come the school year! I always seem to look forward to the school year/a new semester with all these plans, and then I pursue them for a bit, but if things get difficult to work out time-wise or I just lose interest, the plans fall through, and I lose precious time! And time is a very, very important commodity.

4. I am a freaking nerd, and I'm not ashamed of it! I actually wish I were a little bit nerdier simply because I wish I had the motivation/concentration to read like 5 books a week LOL but anyway, I've been plowing through a book that my dad bought me called "A History of American Law" by Lawrence Friedman. It's about 568? pages chronicling exactly what it says - the history of American law - starting from the colonial period (when obvs the notion of "American" law wasn't really developed yet) up till fairly modern times. And while to some, it might sound like a snoozefest, it's actually REALLY INTERESTING. And if I could, I would love to just sit down and read it for like 5 hours straight. I'm about 1/6 through right now, but I can't wait to reach the end and get the full comprehensive view! But yeah, I am a nerd.

5. I LOVE hearing about what other people are passionate about - it makes me really happy to hear people go on and on about something in depth, whether it's early modern European history or basketball or life with Christ, as long as they are clearly animated and in love with what they're talking about, it's such an energizer! There is something impressive about depth, rather than breadth - though I marvel at the fact that my dad seems to know everything about everything, it's more that I marvel at the fact that he knows a lot about everything LOL I don't really like talking points or small talk probably for this reason - I like hearing about deep things, things that have required a lot of interest and study and thinking for that person to come to really enjoy. Of course, I have always been more about breadth in the name of "well-roundedness," so perhaps I am a hippo(crit), but I really hope I can be a depth kind of person to others soon! :)

do-over

I'd learn how to follow real football - not American.

I'd enjoy more time outdoors, maybe I'd actually go running.

I'd be less insecure at the beginning and be more confident in His justification.

I'd be more patient and more gentle with my words.

I'd read more and discuss more sophisticated things; I'd even engage more in the subjects I'm unfamiliar with.

I'd be more understanding of how important motivation, determination, competition, self-realization were.

I'd cry less and laugh more.

I'd stop asking for proof and appreciate the smaller things.

I'd eat those tarantula gummies...maybe.

I'd never walk away, I'd keep persevering in the truth.

But most of all, I'd expect less and just trust more.

the book of joy

I've been reading through Philippians recently, which I meant to start at the beginning of summer, but alas, life happens. It's interesting because it is so aptly referred to as "the book of joy" but honestly, it's not a very happy book. It's not saying to be happy because life is always awesome and everything is so carefree; it's saying to have joy because the Word of the Lord, the love of the God, the salvation given by grace is our strength to endure hardship and persecution. And the general doom and gloom of this earth.

Now, I, in the little bubble of my parents' care and the various opportunities allotted to my socioeconomic status, I have never had to endure persecution. I have been stressed out of my mind, hurt so deeply that I lost sight of what was important in life, but even those causes are nothing compared to the real suffering of millions, billions around the world. Even here in the U.S., unemployment plagues hard-working families, natural disasters devastate homes, and an overwhelming depression infests the hundreds of people I see pass by me on the metro or on the streets. Every generation asks: what has the world come to? But some consider right now by far the worst state of humanity in its existence. If we can't trust our government, we can't trust our physicians, we can't even trust ourselves, let alone those we consider close to us, how do we have any will to keep living in this imperfect world?

Well, not to be all Sunday school-esque, but the answer is Jesus, says Philippians.

Pessimism is not an option. Righteousness comes from faith alone. The last shall be first and the first shall be last. Pride is useless, worldly possessions are useless, earthly confidence is useless. All rubbish, Paul says.

The fountain of our joy is Jesus! Our security rests in Jesus! The ultimate perfection of our faith is Jesus!

Honestly, because I studied this book in FG last summer, reading through feels a little too familiar to me. I feel like I'm reading words I already know and rethinking insights/lessons that I've already gained. And I mean, Paul repeats himself over and over again. Nevertheless, this book won't let me be. This book is SHOUTING at me, saying, Sarah. Can't you see? All of this is so temporary. The real deal - beyond all your anxieties and insecurities and hurts - the real deal is Jesus. And the joy you were so desperately looking for at the beginning of this summer? It's been here all along. Right here, in this book, in this Savior who came down, became obedient to death and bore the burden of your sins, and then rose again to the highest place next to your Father, who loves you.

It's seriously SHOUTING at me:

Sarah.

BE JOYFUL!

WHAT IS THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS COMPARED TO THE RACE TOWARDS THE JOY and LOVE and WHOLENESS FOUND IN CHRIST JESUS?

And you know, with that, this short little book of only 4 chapters makes me feel so small and so big at the same time. I cannot boast, but I cannot complain. I can do all things through Him, but God does His work in me.

The perfect song lyrics that always come to mind are: "All of my life, in every season, you are still God. I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship. I will bring praise, I will bring praise, no weapon formed against me shall remain. I will rejoice, I will declare, God is my victory and He is here."

All glory and honor and praise to Him, who is worthy of such things.

supremely awesome

As you may or may not know, I get Fridays off, so on my free Friday, I visited the Supreme Court today!

I don't look that small compared to the court, but I felt really small

It is seriously a beautiful building, but it was constructed in just 1935, although the Supreme Court was around for 146 years before that. (In its way early days, it used to convene in Independence Hall/City Hall in Philly :P) The marble is SUPER white and reflects mad sunlight to the point where I was blinded when I walked out of the building at the end of my tour. I really liked what (I think it was) Chief Justice Roberts said in the little C-SPAN-created visitors' video, how the building looks so grand and majestic as if to remind the justices what an important duty they have to the U.S.

The motto of "Equal Justice Under Law" is written majestically across the front of the building - it looks like super legit when you see it written in marble LOL That's what I like about the judicial branch of the U.S. - it's not quite as wrapped up in partisanship and moneys as much as the other two branches are. Of course, you can argue that there's definitely more "liberal" courts vs. more "conservative" courts, that the ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission was in favor of perpetuating corrupted, money-driven campaigning politics, but in general, I admire that it always gets down to what the law of the land says.

The view of the Capitol from the top of the steps of the Supreme Court.

For some reason, I don't know if I'd be able to join Congress, like as a Senator or a Rep, just because right now, I don't have a strong political leaning towards either party. And, I'd have to engage in multiple "popularity contests" in order to even get recognized in a certain state and win over constituents...I was never good at that in high school...sighs.

It was rather chilly in this hallway leading to the Courtroom entrance, haha, but I just kept wondering what it would be like to walk around in this building day in and day out, wearing long black robes and whatnot. It would be AWESOME.

They didn't let us take pictures inside the Courtroom, so this was the closest photo I got - the Chief Justice sits directly underneath that clock in the background, with the rest being filled by seniority on the court. Solicitor General/SCOTUS nominee Elena Kagan would sit on the last chair on the far right, which you see right next to the big obstructive pillar on the right.

One thing I realized was that since you have to serve on the Supreme Court for LIFE (or at least until you retire when difficult circumstances arise or when you're just super duper old, like retired Justice Stevens, who's like 90 I believe), it makes sense to join when you're not that young. Granted, you have to get nominated first, and before you get nominated, you should probably show a lot of rigor and wisdom and talent etc etc etc, which requires a lot of life experiences, so it's not like you could just breeze into becoming a justice, but still...it'd take up more than half your life if you got nominated super early, so if you did have a choice...

To my GREAT delight, I saw a LOT of turtle memorabilia in the gift shop! And although I did not purchase any, (I got a super cool pencil instead - I have a picture on my phone haha), it still made me happy to see little turtles everywhere. I came home and I googled why turtles are important to SCOTUS, and it turns out that it's because turtles represent longevity (life terms) and the slow yet deliberate pace of justice, so the architect chose to include them in his designs. I always thought that my love for turtles stemmed from my slow pace of eating or something, but I guess now I know that it links to a passion & appreciation for justice! Good deals.

Anyways, even though I spent a mere 2 hours touring (since I had other errands to run and things to get done), it was a very well-spent 2 hours and I REALLY would love to come hear an oral argument in the future (they're out of session right now; they start up again on the first Monday of October, which this year, is the 75th anniversary of the building!) So...perhaps I will make a field trip sometime during this academic year? Who wants to come with? :)

what's wrong with being an overachiever?

Like most people, when I think of the word, "overachiever," I think immediately of the suckity-uppity kids who sit in the front row of various classes, ask questions every 5 minutes - even the totally pointless and annoying ones - and sometimes try to make the teacher look bad by catching them in petty "mistakes", look for the professor and TA before and after class, read every word of every assigned reading, and ace all the exams and papers. And somehow, they do the same for every class they take and their transcripts are shining sheets devoid of any curvy letters (unless they took Pass/Fail classes).

I think of people who try to become the president or at least a board member of every one of their 4-5 clubs, read 5 different newspapers cover-to-cover at 6am, find time to work out everyday, and know how to make Rachel Ray's 30-minute-meals in 20 minutes (it's impossible, I tell you!)

Now, looking through that list of potential qualifications...why is it that none of them sound particularly negative? Oh wait, that's because they aren't.

But somehow, the word "overachiever" has a negative tinge to it - it must mean that they have no life or worse, no friends, or they unknowingly or knowingly make other people look bad/feel bad, they think that they're all that and too good for the rest of us, they're stretching themselves too thin and they're crazy control freaks, or worst of all...they must think they don't. need. God. (!!! *whisper* no. way.)

But wait.

It's true that some people who are considered overachievers don't make space for God to work, for God to be in control and be sovereign in their lives. They calculate every hour spent to the minute, worrying that if they loosen their grip by even 1 g*m/s^2, everything will slip out of their hands and they will be left in ruins, all their hard work turned to dust. But I believe that it is possible for others to trust God and lean not on their own understanding (or capabilities) while still achieving the best they can.

Because, by whose standards are they overachieving? Perhaps they have simply been entrusted with more talents according to their abilities. Let's look at Matthew 25:14-21:

14"Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his property to them. 15 To one he gave five talents of money, to another two talents, and to another one talent, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received the five talents went at once and put his money to work and gained five more. 17 So also, the one with the two talents gained two more. 18 But the man who had received the one talent went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master's money.
19 "After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. 20 The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'
21 "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Now, I've always focused on verse 21 - the idea that if we are faithful to the few responsibilities we have right now, God will continue to bless us with more opportunities to be faithful and do His work on this earth, and if we continue to be faithful with those few things, we will ultimately share in the riches of His kingdom in heaven. It's a lesson of the big "O" - obedience - but still sounds awesome, right? But what caught my eye this time was verse 15, where it says that each man was allotted a certain number of talents according to his ability. I mean, on the surface, it sounds really unfair. It's like God created us or blessed us unequally or something. God trusts this guy more than the other guy, etc. etc.

Now, if this verse were truly to go with the whole overachieving thing, maybe the guy with 5 talents could have come back with 10. But since it says 5, we can look at it from this perspective: it's possible that the guy with the 2 talents could have looked at the 5 talents guy and been like, wow. That guy started off with 5 and gained 5 more. I only started off with 2 and I was only able to bring back 2 more. Guy 1, 10. Me, 4. That's like twice as many as mine. What the heck, he's such an overachiever. And of course, when the guy with 1 talent gets hardcore rebuked and his talent is given to guy 1, it's like dang. He has 11 now. That's almost three times as much as I have! What the heck! He just keeps getting rewarded!

But let's look at what the 2nd guy actually said and how the owner reacts:

22 "The man with the two talents also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two talents; see, I have gained two more.'
23 "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Does verse 23 look familiar? Yeah, that's prob because it's a repeat of verse 21, exactly how the owner reacted to the 1st guy.

So what does that mean? It means that it doesn't matter how much you start off with (talents) or how much you end up with (moneys, among other things). We need to stop looking at what other people have or what they've done, who their well-connected parents are and where they're going. And this is hard, because in a competitive academic/work setting, where you're constantly measured against the people around you, you can't help but keep looking side to side and evaluating how much you're worth based on how much others say they're worth.

But ultimately, it's really our own efforts that count. Bringing it back to obedience. And it really isn't bad to adopt an overachieving spirit that always pushes to do more and be more - not so that we can feel secure in our own abilities and accomplishments or so that we can have reason to boast and feel important and admired by people, but so that ultimately we can return the glory back to God. Because we know that our lives aren't ours to keep, but we know that we are merely stewards of this body, this space. And we have a desire to finally stand before Him and hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant! Come and share your master's happiness!"

I've been feeling like an underachiever in this past year (June '09 to June '10), and I've been bemoaning the lack of genius genes, networking skillz, and most of all, a glaringly clear sense of direction in life. But I understand that more than that, I've just been fearing the amount of commitment and obedience it'll take to give my all despite all those insecurities. So that fear ends today, and whether I am the 5-talent person or the 2-talent person, I know that for sure I don't want to be the 1-talent person, too afraid to go out in faith and too insecure to keep my eyes only on God.