2012

It seems so very incredibly wholly totally strange that this year has come to an end. Today is the last day of 2012, a year that I anticipated would be a momentous year for me, as well as many peers around me.

And in many ways, it was - or so Facebook says: events on my "2012 in Review" thingamabobber  show that I 1) went on one of the best trips of my life with some of my favorite people in this world, 2) completed a senior thesis and graduated from college, 3) vacationed with my family (and possibly for the first time with my grandpa too?), 4) visited the motherland after a four-year absence, and 5) started law school and successfully(?) finished my first semester.

I wrote in the beginning of this year:

As I look towards the rest of this year, it's really all up in the air what will go down. Where will I go? What will I do? What relationships will I form, strengthen, keep, break, lose? What ideas, projects, goals, dreams will come up and come to fruition? A lot of questions, not a whole lot of answers.

I guess I thought that I would get answers by the end of this year, and I did get some temporary answers (e.g. I am now in city X, I have strengthened relationships with Y and Z but not so much A and B, I have started to dream of seeing C and doing D) but what I have come to find is that there will always be these questions and there will always be only temporary answers - at no point will they ever be completely answered ahead of time because each day spent living my life, guided by His voice and His hand, provides an answer for that day or part of an answer for that month or that year.

God has been faithful, no doubt, but like I told a certain snail and fruitbat this morning, it feels weird that tomorrow will be 2013 because I feel like I've only really been living towards 2012 (no, not because I believed in the whole Mayan end-of-the-world hulabaloo) and everything from here on out is new stuff to me. Sure, I have yet another graduation date to look forward to, but that date doesn't seem quite as momentous to me right now because there's so much else that needs to get done before that date that it almost just seems like a formality. I feel like I'm swimming out into uncharted territory and I am neither excited nor terrified...I just feel strange.

But I do feel like it's time to grow up, which also means that it's time to expand my knowledge of God with kind of like a firm step up, rather than this slow upwards crawl that I've been doing over this last year. What is God's heart, really, towards me? Towards this world? Towards issue E and idea F? In this way, I think/hope 2013 will be a lot about trying to pick God's "brain" and as I know Him more, hopefully I'll feel more secure and optimistic about what's ahead, not because I'll come to know what is ahead, but because I know and trust Him that much more.

Happy New Year!