God

Yeah, so...this is weird, I know, after all these entries about loving people and love and love verses from the Bible, it's weird. But man, God is probably the awesomest and yet the hardest being to love. 

Why? Because you know, it's hard to love someone who you can't see or touch. That's why long-distance relationships are really hard to work out (unless, of course, they're rooted in God's love. But that's another story.) It's mostly our faults - we get distracted by the people around us, the goals we've set for ourselves, or we just lose interest. Sometimes distance makes relationships feel one-sided or lost in translation. 

But you know, the catch is, He's technically everywhere. He's supposed to live in our hearts, protect us wherever we may go, provide us with our daily bread, etc etc. And you know, sometimes, it's hard to believe, because we just can't see how that's possible. He's long-distance (earth to heaven = pretty far), and yet, right by our side? Yeah, bet your boyfriend at the U of I can't do that.

And it's also hard because He "judges" us. Depending on His good favor or wrath, we could be walking on sunshine (whoa) or perishing in the hellish pits of fire. Seriously, people can get so turned off from God because He was so scary in the Old Testament, if you stay awake long enough to read that much. How easy could it be to love someone (person-wise) who not only saw your best powder-fresh, date-appropriate moments, but also your worst sides? When you lied, when you cheated, when you cursed, when you failed. Saw inside your mind and your heart and knew where your soul was going after you died? That would be one creepy significant other.

But the thing is, God's not a boyfriend. He's a father. And He's not just an earthly father, either. He doesn't have the human abilities to reject or disown - every time anyone failed him in the Old Testament, yeah, He got mad, but he always took them back. And then he did the craziest thing - He sent Jesus to bridge the gap - that weird long-distance/short-distance gap that was inevitably there because of God's total awesomeness. And that's what makes Him so easy to love. Jesus took care of the judgment stuff, the wrath stuff, the separation stuff. I mean, yeah. He made us see that God actually loves us and wants to be with us, despite the fact that we're so crazy imperfect when left to our own devices.

The reason why we - I - have the capacity to love all these people/types of people I mentioned in the past month is because of one being in my life - God (and of course, Jesus.) I would sum it up a little more, but I think I'll just leave it to the verse - the one verse I've been wanting to share for ALL of February. :)

Love you guys, thanks for reading.

Verse:

"Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love on another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

We love because he first loved us." (1 John 4:7-17, 19)

people who give good hugs

I love hugs. 

It's kind of sad, though, because GCC can be very touch-conscious. And I actually feel awkward for 40% of girl-to-girl hugs. Weird, I know, but it just works out that way for me. I think some of it has roots from back in middle school when I'd hate it when girls (typically Asian) would try to link arms with me; you'd think that I would be okay with it because I used to have to hold my mom's hand everywhere we went until like at least sophomore year of high school.

But regardless, I love people who give good hugs. There is an art to hugging - consult "awkward scenario of the week" from back last october or something - and seriously, some people just suck at it. I'm sorry, but they do. I know they don't mean to, but I guess they're just meant to be with someone who really doesn't like hugging either or they have like an "other half" out there that just fits right into that awkward hug just right. Either way. There is definitely an art - no awkward one-armed hugs or leaning in on the same side or a huge space in between the people...yeah.

I think the reason why I'm so hypersensitive to receiving good hugs is because according to a "love languages test" CK made me take yesterday, my two main love languages are quality time (33%) and touch (27%). The latter is a pretty high percentage. (A friend commented, "What's up with all these touching questions? It makes me sound like I want to be felt up every second of my life!" (HA!) Anyway, so I receive love in those two ways, and like I'm not surprised, but it was interesting to see that written out. And yeah, if I had to guess my ways of giving love, I'd say acts of service and touch, yet again. 

There's just something about patting someone on the back to give them reassurance or say they did well, or holding someone's hand when it's cold or they're afraid, or hugging them just because. And in some ways, I guess that's like not very...PC (purity-correct), but I mean, I'm saying this applies to both the opposite gender and the same gender. One of the best hugs I ever get these days is from one of my older sisters here whenever I'm tired or burnt out or even just happy to see her. 

But anyway. Digression: I suppose this also links into my previous post about people who smell good - it is so nice to take in a hug along with the scent someone exudes - particularly if it is a good scent :) But it also links into other posts like greeters - it's so nice to just hug someone in greeting hello or goodbye. If you've ever seen "Love Actually," the last scene is at the airport where people are just hugging each other hello...super heartwarming. Digression End.

Another thing I noticed about hugging though, is that sometimes it's really awkward for me to hug my own brother. I don't know why, but I guess it's just always been weird because I have never been particularly close with him. But he's always been open to it, because he's always been a more loving sibling than me. It's something I'm working on as I try to reach out to him more.

In conclusion, hugging is good, but good huggers are even better :)

Verse:

"With a mighty hand and outstretched arm; His love endures forever." (Psalm 136:12)

*P.S. I've had some requests for the actual love languages test, ha, so you can find it here (this is how you receive love): http://www.afo.net/hftw-lovetest.asp

atheists

[People hard to love]

Okay, now this is not supposed to be like politically or...religiously incorrect or whatever. Let me remind you that it says "people hard to love" not "people I hate with a burning, fiery passion." Some of my best friends in life have been atheists, and honestly, I thought it was better to be friends with atheists than the Christians that I knew in high school.

But anyway. I digress. The thing about atheists is that, a good portion of them are pretty confrontational. Yeah, people claim to be PC and they claim to respect other people's religions, but man, when it comes to atheists vs. Christians, it's like rawr, cat fight. And you know, a lot of the times, it is the Christian's fault, because he/she probably said something about condemning them to hell and whatnot. But you know, there are a lot of atheist-caused confrontations too - if you look at huge random Facebook groups, there's always that thread that says, "Give me one good reason to prove that God exists." It's like, okay. If you're looking to find the existence of God in a Facebook group discussion, I am sorry. Because most of the time, these discussions just turn into intelligence-superiority battles or "Don't question it. Just believe in Him" "but that's called blind faith!" scruples. And you're not gonna get an answer. You're more or less just going to get frustrated or get on some crazy ego trip.

And you know, I like the atheists vs. Christian stereotypes - you know, where atheists are more scientifically inclined and more knowledgeable and more rational and more intellectual? And like Christians are too emotional, too dependent on the unseen, the unmeasurable, the unbelievable? Because I think it keeps us in check. Both of us. 

If, as staunch atheists, you only hung out with other staunch atheists, I honestly don't see how you could enjoy life at all. Everything is so calculated or (paradoxically) so random. You think love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, and you think finding your spouse for life is up to chance and good luck. 

If, as staunch Christians, you only hung out with other staunch Christians, I also don't see how you could fully enjoy life or even attest to your own faith. Everything is so mystical or (paradoxically) so inevitable and meaningless (on this earth, i.e.). You think the loved ones in your life right now are only of this world - we're all going to be up in heaven anyway - and that suffering you're imposing upon yourself right now is for some greater good you don't fully understand.

Because I'm a Christian myself, I'm going to place more of the responsibility to bridge this gap on Christians. The more we attribute our beliefs to "just knowing" and less to really studying the Word and even attempting to find out about the historical/scientific backgrounds of the Bible, the less credible we'll seem to atheists. It's a given fact. Also, it's almost like saying that the stories in the Bible are truly only "stories."

In my experience with atheists, they just want to know the intellectual aspects of Christianity first. That's their main interest, the primary itch they must scratch first before they can move on to listening to the spiritual/emotional aspect. The reason we have to reach out to them first instead of vice-versa is because they just don't know this second aspect at all. We, as Christians, have the ability to know both, but very often we choose not to. It's like this: a professor can choose to study/learn and also teach because he/she is at a certain level of knowledge, but a student can only study/learn. We're the profess-ors, in this instance, just in case you didn't know. We need to want to profess our faith.

And you know what? Beyond the intellectual aspects and whatnot, the core of dispelling our message - God's message - is love. We lack that SO much when we encounter hard-hearted atheists who call us crazy, stupid, blind, etc. Seriously, I watched this vid on this other blog of this hardcore atheist recounting an experience he had with a Christian who handed him a book of Psalms, I think. He called him a very "sane" and "kind" man who genuinely just wanted to speak to him - and I think his hard heart may have been opened by at least a centimeter. We ourselves can get so hard-hearted and confrontational, calling them sinners and the poor, poor lost black sheep. But love: that's the kind of approach we need. 

Verse:

"If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?" (Matthew 5:46-47)

all body types

It has come to my attention that there are several people around me struggling with body image these days.

See, this was one of those issues that I never really thought about because I never knew anyone personally who was anorexic or bulimic - those kinds of people were only present in fashion magazine "advice" articles or health class or on television. But you know, even if I still don't know anyone personally who has a serious disorder, I do know several people distressed about their external appearance in terms of their body.

It pains me to see or hear about these kinds of cases, just because I sincerely believe that God made us as perfect as we would ever be. Yeah, sure, I will go ahead and admit that in the past, I have been slightly prejudiced against "fat" people because many of them have been seriously rude or have had insecurity-manifested-as-superiority issues, and I know that internally, they have blamed all their problems in life and the unfair world as results of their weight. Now, for those kinds of bitter people, I can only suggest two things: repent and have God fill you with peace, or find a moderated work-out schedule and a new diet that doesn't involve starving yourself. (And for goodness sake, diet sodas don't do ANYTHING, especially if you drink 3 cans of diet soda for every 1 can you would've had of regular soda.)

But the people that I know that are struggling right now are wonderful, super-sweet and -friendly people. And for many reasons, I really wish they could see themselves the way I see them. And more importantly, the way God sees them. I know, it's so cliched to say, "It's what's inside that counts," because honestly, the world has issues really living up to that phrase. People do judge upon first impressions and discriminate. But you know, at the same time, there are definitely people in the "real world" who don't do that. Or if they happen to mistakenly do that, they know how to change their minds. 

(Disclaimer: Not bragging or being prideful in any way.) There have been people who have always said, "You know, you wouldn't know/you wouldn't understand because you've always been skinny. I wish I could be petite like you." Now let me tell you - I only seem that way because my upper body is on the slim side - and slowly, not even that anymore. (bah.) But seriously, my mom has always told me, "You know, you can try all you want to be fit and dress well, but if you can't walk around with a bright and approachable smile on your face, it'll kill everything." And it's true. If you can smile with true joy in your heart, I think that's actually more attractive than a model's stone-still gaze in an ad.

So seriously, I really hope that these people know that they are loved. I know sometimes the distinction between being loved and being liked can be such a huge difference, especially when it comes to the opposite sex. Because we know deep down our parents love us and God loves us, but what about the perfect guy/girl? But if you've ever watched the movie "Shallow Hal," you'll find that there are people realizing their shallowness, and that there are people who reject shallowness. I hate being a romantic sap these days, but I know that regardless of what you look like, there is someone out there who will love you whether you're 95 lbs or 135 lbs (and however much that translates into for guys, haha). 

And the second thing is, you will never be able to love that person or even any person fully - with the amount of love that that person deserves - until you are able to love yourself. It's a known fact, proven statistically. I promise. Especially as a Christian, because God should be living inside of you, and if you reject yourself as a vessel for Christ, I dunno - that's pretty much rejecting God...and that's like, a sin. haha

So yeah. Love yourself. Because you know at least one other person does :)

Verse:

"Love never fails ... For we know in part and prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears." (1 Corinthians 13:8-10)

racists

[People hard to love.]

So, I've had my fair share of encountering racists. When I was in 7th grade, we all had to play ultimate Frisbee as part of our PE requirement. Unfortunately, I was stuck with three racist white guys and two other Asian girls. Obviously, I wasn't very good at throwing a Frisbee, and neither were the two other girls. So, to spite us, they kept cracking mean jokes, like "Oh yeah, we should call this team Asian Pride." "Yeah! Asian Pride! We're so awesome at Frisbee...NOT." etc etc. You can imagine what a shock this was to my twelve-year-old sheltered self after living in a very Asian-Jewish-Italian-Hispanic town in Jersey (it's now nicknamed "Koreatown").

But those were pre-pubescent boys in 7th grade. I also remember one time, my dad got cut off in a mall parking lot, and the guy as he passed by, yelled, "F---ing chink!" as he sped on by. I was so shocked by the incident, I remember tearing up in the car.

In some ways, I guess that showed my weak-heartedness, because if I were resilient, why should that bother me? And I think sometimes, it's really easy for more PC Caucasians to just brush it off with a laugh and go, "Man, they're retarded." But when you're on the receiving end, it really does hurt.

So, as a staff writer at The Daily Pennsylvanian, I had to write a professor profile on this Italian professor. She's straight-up native and has a rather thick accent. She was very nice to me the entire interview and was very accommodating.

After the interview, she asked that I give her a copy of the story before it went into print. I consulted my editor and let her know that I was not able to do that because it is part of newspaper policy, but that I would be more than happy to send her the interview transcript/notes. She called me up during dinner Saturday night and demanded a copy of the story, saying what I was doing (preventing her from having it) was illegal and that she had a legal right to the story. (Not true.) I told her that it still was not possible, and she tried to convince me to keep it between me and her, but I still said all I could do was send her an interview transcript as soon as possible. She asked me to leave out the more personal details, which I ended up omitting from the transcript, because they would be of no value to the final story anyway.

After spending 40 minutes transcribing the interview, I sent it to her. The next day - today - she called me up after service and told me I had done the transcription completely incorrectly. The conversation that occurred was as follows: (paraphrased)

"Were you born in the United States?"

"No, I was not."

"Well, that is why your English is not very good."

"Um..."

"You misinterpreted everything I said. (rambleramble) This is why you should send a native speaker to the interviews. You made me sound very silly. But people will not laugh at me, they will laugh at you."

Then in the email she sent me with some of the grammatical corrections (to errors she made originally), she wrote, "The language makes me sound like a Chinese..."

Now, let me reiterate that she has a very thick Italian accent. 

With this incident, is it easy to love someone like this? Honestly, if she calls me up one more time after the story goes into print - I will probably just not pick up because I am done with her. I never want to talk to her or do any future stories involving her ever again. Just like I never wanted to see those 7th grade boys again or that hostile driver again.

But you know...Jesus was spat upon and cursed by the world. They called Him all kinds of names - liar, blasphemous, crazy - and they still call Him that today, but He still found it in his heart to love the world. Isn't that crazy? For me, this woman was just one person. But He had/has to put up with the whole world cursing him out every single day, every single second.

And I can't say that right now, in this moment, I can find it in my heart to forgive her, much less love her. But I can definitely try to prevent myself from harboring any hate.

Verses:

"Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs." (Proverbs 10:12)

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

'09 seniors

I loved the seniors in high school when I was a freshman, and it's no different here as a freshman in college. There's just something about people who have had more life experiences than you, people who can give you advice about things that they've gone through beforehand, and especially with the ones I know here, they're willing to just be the older siblings you never had (or if you have older siblings, your older-siblings-away-from-home.) 

This is not to say that I don't love the sophomores and juniors that I know - they're pretty amazing as well. But I don't know, maybe because it's nearing May and I'm only starting to get to know some of the seniors, I feel so pressed for time. And I really feel like I'm going to miss them like CRAZY. 

Last night at the prayer meeting, I was praying for one of my sisters, and I just felt myself choking up for no reason. Like seriously? It's like February. And it's not like I'm never going to see them again after they graduate, especially cuz I expect some of them to invite me to their weddings (ahem). 

But I don't know, there's just something about being in this bubble we call college that allows us to foster relationships pretty quickly and pretty deeply here, and the real world is just so...daunting and sucky. Sucky in the sense that it sucks up time and energy. I already don't have time here as it is to respond to Facebook wall posts or return phone calls, so what would it be like to try to keep in touch after you get a job and whatnot? When you're not in the Philly area and you're like in freaking Illinois or Massachusetts? It's going to be super hard.

So yeah. I really love our seniors, my seniors, and even though some might still stick around...I'll still miss them as a group. They're such awesome, accomplished, solid people, with amazing talents and intellect and hearts and I just know that they're going to be used so well by God. And that they're going to be so influential in this world, even if not all of them become ambassadors or renowned surgeons or CNN anchors. 

Because each of them is a letter (a fragrance! ha) that God's sending out to the world, and they definitely are filled to the brim - covered in writing. And they will all become ones that will be read over and over again, kind of like that note in seventh grade that you got from the guy/girl you liked, and you kept it in your diary/wallet so you could look at it from time to time and just feel loved. ...Even though y'all probably lost interest soon enough, haha. But unlike those notes of infatuation, they're notes containing God's love - which never fails, which never dies, which never gets old.

And even though they're olddd comparatively to me, their hearts are always being renewed by God's never-moldifying love. :) 

Verse:

"You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." (2 Corinthians 3:2-3) 

that one girl in english class

[People hard to love] 

For those of you who have ever taken a legit English class (or maybe just an English class in general), you know exactly who I'm talking about. 

This girl is obnoxious, usually very confident in her knowledge of literature and her abilities in interpretation. It's usually because she's not very good at any other discipline. She either never raises her hand before she speaks or raises her hand in the weirdest, most annoying way ever. But nevertheless, she speaks all the time. And she usually has an annoying voice on top of that as well, or maybe just her voice inflections are annoying. She usually carries herself with a certain posture, the kind with her nose ever-so-slightly (5 degree incline) up in the air.

Now, disclaimer. There's nothing wrong with being intelligent. There's also nothing wrong with being an enthusiastic participant. There's even nothing wrong with leaning towards one academic area - in fact, it makes planning your life so much easier.

But it's that ungrounded arrogant pride that gets everyone. That's why people think English majors are half chain-smoker, box-inhabiting geniuses and half snooty, hyperemotional academic snobs that never reach a solid conclusion. 

And honestly, some people just really bother me, and it makes me ask, must you act that way because you just want the attention? 

And then I take a step back and I have to think. Maybe she's insecure. Maybe she just wants people to acknowledge her. Maybe she has bad memories from math class that makes her want to overcompensate in an area she feels strongly about. Maybe she has such a passion for English language and literature that she can't help herself. Maybe she's not used to adjusting to a broader social setting. Maybe she needs love.

Not praise. Not admiration. But love.

And though I probably will never talk to that girl in my Lit&Law class this semester, I can try to be understanding and loving in my mind/heart as much as possible. Because honestly, disliking her and rolling my eyes at her takes so much more energy than just being peaceful and loving.

Verse:

"Be humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2)

people that are hard for me to love

So as the month is coming to a close in a little over a week, I'm going to start sprinkling in people I find hard to love, but need to love anyway.

Yeah. This will be fun - it's sort of a roundabout way of saying these are people I can't stand. :) But that's okay, because I can try to love them.

people who smell good

Yeah, so this one's weird, but I kid you not. 

In high school, I always wished I were that girl that would walk past you in the hallway, in the classroom, in the library and you'd get this subtle breeze of fruity or flowery scent (these girls usually wore that Bath&BodyWorks raspberry spray). Or if I were a guy, I would want to be that guy whose cologne you can subtly detect, or maybe not even cologne, but just like soap - preferably Dove - that just gives him like that fresh, clean-cut edge.

Why? Because scent is so closely tied with emotions and memories, says my psychology teacher. But I already knew this - whenever I smell Country Apple from B&BW, I always think of my freshman year in high school; whenever I smell Old Spice, I think of my grandfather; whenever I smell banana bread, I think of my mom. And then there are those unnameable scents that I know smell like a particular person's scent, but I can't describe it; I only know if I smell it. 

But back to why: I want to be a memorable and easily recognizable person. :) Selfish, I suppose, but it's true. I want to know if someone detects a scent and connects to me. (And no, don't mention unpleasant scents, like manure or rotting fruit, thanks.)

But beyond a literal scent, I want to know if someone can detect the fragrance of God/Jesus upon me. 

I'm reading through 2 Corinthians with Tiff, and it said in last week's reading: "But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing." (2 Corinthians 2:14-15)

And I thought to myself: just like those high school girls who you could immediately smell when they walked into a room, is it possible for people to just sense that I am a Christian when I walk into a room? Is there a certain gait that Christians have or a certain aura they emit - maybe one of joy or peace or love? Hm.

I would love to be memorable and noticeable for smelling good, but I would love it even more if I could be memorable and noticeable for smelling of Christ.

Verse:

"And live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." (Ephesians 5:2)

solid evangelists

When I was a freshman in high school, I attended a revival service for the youth/English speaking ministry. The speaker, Mark Cahill, came to talk about his new book, One Thing You Can't Do In Heaven. That one thing was evangelizing, or sharing the Christian faith. I cried as my dad drove me home. I didn't know why I cried at the point, except that it was sad, thinking how futile I was as a Christian.

He really emphasized reaching out to others, asking us, if you were to stand before God today, how many people would you be able to say you brought to Christ?

Now, looking back, it was sort of a bad question, because it's not like we're sharing our faith so we can gloat about how many "tickets to heaven" we sold, you know? And if we approached evangelism like that, we would just get lumped into the close-minded, "offensive" preachers that non-Christians are absolutely repulsed by.

But the reason why it struck a chord with me is I hadn't talked to anyone non-Christian seriously about my faith. And seriously, it was totally going against the grain of what I wanted to believe about Christianity - that it wasn't exclusive, that it wasn't just for the people born into Christian families being perfectly judgmental about those that weren't. By not saying anything to anyone and staying in my own PC bubble, I was being super-exclusive. 

But how could I? That's everyone's dilemma. No one wants to have shoved in his/her face, "You're going to HELL. REPENT." but at the same time, people point fingers at us for not sharing because it's like we're keeping some awesome secret all for ourselves.

So let me be up front for once. I believe that if you do not accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior and you do not turn to God the Father, you are going to go to hell. And I don't say this in a condemning manner, I say this in a matter-of-fact manner. This does not make me superior to you, nor does it make me happy to say it. In fact, I think my unreasonable crying as a shocked high school freshman was the basis of a heart for the lost.

Now, all this jargon-y terminology - "personal savior," "God the Father," "the lost" - it just doesn't make sense to non-believers. In fact, if I weren't Christian, I would seriously be like, okay, whatever. Go sing kumbaya and leave me be. So let me put it in simple terms.

I love you. As a friend, as a fellow human being, I love you. And I want to be able to spend the rest of eternity with you in heaven - where there's no poverty, no stress, no hurt, no shame, no death. The perfect world we humans wish we had? That's unobtainable on this planet. But I know of a place where it's possible, and I want to share it with you, plain and simple.

I love you. And to know that I am separated from you right now, even if we're in the same school, city, country, Earth - that breaks my heart. So let me share my faith with you out of love, nothing more. Nothing less.

That's what a solid evangelist would say, I hope. And that's why I love people who can do so with such conviction.

Verse:

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." (Galatians 5:6)