the voice of wisdom

So often, I look back on these past two years and I think of how much time and love certain people have poured into me, listening to me complain via Gchat at 2 am or vent over dinner about all my little woes and anxieties. And each time I've paused to say, "I'm sorry I'm just like...word-vomiting at you" or "I know this is so much to take in, sorry," I've always been answered, "No, it's okay, don't worry," when I'm sure some of the time, it wasn't okay. It must have been so frustrating to listen to me talk about the same things over and over and over again (because if something hasn't been resolved, I have a tendency to just repeat myself until I can "talk out" a solution); it must have been frustrating to have 2-3 hours of their time eaten up because I just couldn't stop talking; it must have been frustrating to have to listen and not be able to say what was on their hearts; it must have been frustrating just to have another prayer request to slap onto the list of a ton they have from other people and for themselves already.

But I'm blown away each time when they just take it in, let me talk, and moreover, lend the wisdom I need in these situations I struggle with. So many times, I think I'm able to handle things, I think I know my way around, and I can almost predict what they're going to say, what sort of Bible verse they're going to throw at me. (In fact, I even pissed one person off once because I was so adamant that I knew exactly what they were going to say to me, so what was even the point in talking?) But in the end, I'm just being a prideful noob who merely thinks she's seeing things from all angles and drawing the best conclusions when actually, she's being close-minded and not thinking WWJD. I can see why God didn't create our faith to just be worked out on our own, but worked out in the midst of fellowship, as we spur one another onto good deeds and love. There are some brothers and sisters that I've talked to who just stun me with the depth of their faith and the ferocity of their love for God and the insight from their walks. But there are also others who might be difficult to appreciate or take seriously at times, and yet, God pokes my judgmental heart and uses them in His own mysterious ways to edify me and grow me in an unprecedented way.

So, even though this was short, I guess the point is, I just want to thank whoever reads this (especially the certain people who have already identified themselves as victims of my word-vomits -_-) for being so patient with me and for being so obedient to Him and allowing yourself to be used in a powerful way in my life.

Sanks the deals deng ♥