one in love

(First post of the new year!! I was so close to having 100 blogposts last year...sighs.)

What...to say...about OIL...

For those who don't know, the One In Love Christian conference is the retreat I went to this past winter break from Jan. 5 to Jan. 8. It was held in North East, MD, and there were I guess over 500 people there, ready to encounter God and learn/grow/be super duper blessed. I kept hearing from a few people who had gone in years past that I had to go at least once in my college career, so I decided to go this year on somewhat of a whim (and under peer pressure to a certain extent too haha). And while I can't say it was life-changing or SUPER DUPER AMAZINGGG OMGSHHH in any way, I do have to say I learned a LOT.

— which is why, even though it's been a few days since I've gotten back, I haven't really been able to write an adequate blog entry (unlike someone who's writing a whole freaking series :P).

But I guess, if I had to summarize my experience at OIL...I guess (like I've told everyone who's asked how it went) it was like a giant spotlight on my heart, bared and illuminated for me to see where it was and how I should fix things and approach this semester. My heart had been in an increasingly smaller box last semester, but God pulled the box apart and showed me exactly what my heart looked like.

And honestly, it wasn't the prettiest thing in the world. It contained bits of pride, insecurity, jealousy, disobedience, self-justification, and worst of all, unrepentance.

I mean, it's not like I didn't know that I have sins that I commit daily, but I guess I had been in a pretty good place for the past semester that it was hard for me to really feel...miserable? about anything. But that again was a misunderstanding on my part of what repentance should really be about. Repentance is not about simply presenting a laundry list of my sins to God, saying that I'm sorry for A and sorry for B and sorry for C and oh please forgive me because I'm having a miserable time in life and I need Your favor again. It's more about (at least for me, theologically/officially, I don't think it's the best definition in the world) admitting and surrendering the sins that separate my heart from His, that keep me from fully seeking after and loving Him, that hinder my ministry and the plans He has for me SO THAT I can draw near to Him again and really embrace His embrace.

The other big thing that I learned/reflected more about was how to feel about my role in the church, as an older sister and a family group leader. And it didn't just begin with redefining the role straight-up; it began with me remembering that the BIGGEST role I had was being a child of God, being the salt of the earth. Only by starting there could I make any strides in exercising my aforementioned role.

I'd share more on here, but a lot of it is just too personal to post on a (semi)public blog like this, so feel free to ask for the more detailed version if you'd like!

Otherwise, God is super faithful, and OIL was a great way to start off the new year and prepare my heart for this upcoming semester. I feel that He has a lot to show me about loving and serving Him, as well as others, and I'm glad that I was able to get a clear&unfiltered look at what was really going on within my heart.

I became obsessed with this song recently (we sang it maybe like twice or three times during OIL?) and I just love the chorus, because honestly, everyday brings us closer to what it describes, and that is what we live and die for — to be one in love with our King!

VERSE 1:
Soon and very soon
My King is coming
Robed in righteousness
And crowned with love
When I see Him
I shall be made like Him
Soon and very soon

VERSE 2:
Soon and very soon

I'll be going

To the place

He has prepared for me

There my sin erased

My shame forgotten

Soon and very soon

CHORUS:
I will be with the One I love

With unveiled face I'll see Him

There my soul will be satisfied

Soon and very soon

VERSE 3:
Soon and very soon
See the procession

The angels and the elders

'Round the throne

At His feet I'll lay

My crowns, my worship

Soon and very soon

BRIDGE:
Though I have not seen Him

My heart knows Him well

Jesus Christ the Lamb

The Lord of heaven