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I had the oddest dream last night:

I was at a buffet banquet with a lot of people, and we were instructed that at the end of the meal, we should squeeze out the juice from our leftovers into a collection bin that would then be used to feed the poor. Many people ate and followed this order, but obviously, many others (including myself) were aghast at this instruction and began to take whole plates from the buffet lines to place aside and give away. Somewhere along this process, I got into an argument with someone who refused to give up two large bowls of salad and I started yelling at him (a bit tangentially) about what it meant to be reconciled to one another the way Christ died for us to be reconciled to God the Father...which then turned into a full-out argument between two churches (because apparently the banquet was hosted by the church(es)? ...) And then after the argument passed and we cleaned up the venue, I got an email from my BFFL telling me to calm down and to not argue.

And then I woke up.

I got ready for service, putting on a new dress I bought during Fall Break, and then read the Word as I ate breakfast. I re-read 1 Timothy 2 and came upon verses 9-10:

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God."

Not only did I suddenly feel self-conscious in my garb, but the phrase "with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God" struck me profoundly as I pondered my character and how I go about my days. In my volunteer work, in my ministries, in my classes, in my interactions with strangers on the street. I profess to worship God — do my actions reflect that?

My attention was then brought to verse 4, about how God "wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." Do I want what God wants?

And then I went to church.

The China missions presentation moved me to near tears, and I found myself wondering if this was going to be just another swell of "oh, that's so awesome how God is working through them and in the lives of those they met and even those they did not...but it's not for me." Flashes of memories from my freshman year family group, conversations with my leaders throughout the years...where was my heart hurtling toward?

P. Dave from Passion told us that what happens in the next 10 minutes after a certain conviction determines whether that conviction will go from conviction to execution. Though I somewhat acted today upon the stirrings of my heart, how much further can I — or will I — go? What does God want to show me?

Do I want what He wants?