new beginnings

It's been a little over a week since I have found myself in this new place, and I felt like I had to write something, but I wasn't sure what to say.

I've been trying to decide whether to continue this blog or to move on. It has been a rather faithful account of the last four years, but now that I am at a new beginning, I wonder if I need to leave this blog behind (maybe return every once in a while to reflect upon His goodness and fond memories from college) and spew my musings elsewhere. I haven't decided yet, so here goes my first entry from a new location.

School is pretty fun. I had many, many (MANY) anxieties about whether I would enjoy what I was learning or at least understand it, and those anxieties would even keep me up at night and swirl around in my head during the day. But it turns out, not only can I mostly follow along (I admit, one of my classes makes me feel like steam is coming out of my brain from thinking too hard lol), I also feel like it's all pretty interesting and I once again realized that I was just born a nerd.

But man. I thought I had braced myself for the inevitable impact of reality and heeded all the post-grad horror stories I had heard over the years, but I guess I'll have to spell it out here:

There is no place like GCC. (okay, maybe other AMI churches, but outside of the AMI fambam)

I'm probably being too clingy, and maybe other people are just better at this whole YA business than I am, but there is really no place like GCC. There is something very special going on in that church (and actually, there is something very special going on in Philly churches in general), and I am so glad that God gave me such a powerful undergrad experience, but now I'm kind of at a loss over how to handle these next three years.

What am I doing here, specifically? What did You see that I did not see before coming here that You would bring me to this place?

Like I said, it's been a little over a week, but I'm already so tired. I am thankful for all the little things, little answers in whispers, unexpected moments of grace. But my heart is heavy and I'm torn between my own sinful/selfish nature and this gnawing feeling that I'm sure You promised me more than this. There's got to be something more than what is visible to the eye right now, but what else can I do besides seek and wait?

I will wait on You. Open my eyes to see beyond what is in front of me — I'm striving to live by faith and not by sight.