many are the plans

I feel like I'm in college again, busting out a blogpost when I should be studying like crazy instead…so let's consider this a study break of sorts.

I haven't written on here in months, but I just felt like writing this so I can remind myself later --

I am a woman of many plans. I like scheduling and organizing. I'm not a huge fan of tardiness or missed deadlines. I don't like being kept waiting when I want to move forward with the plans that I had; then again, I also don't like being rushed when I had allotted more time for myself to work on something or enjoy something.

But as I learn to work with other people, lead and be led by other people, I see how stressful it is for me and how ungracious this can be for others, at times. Even if I say, "Oh, no problem, you can have until tomorrow morning," my heart is grumbling. If I have to rush through a meal or drop everything that I had been planning on doing with my two free hours to respond to someone's request, I feel like I am making suuuch a sacrifice and then I worry or lament over my own abandoned plans.

Of course, there is a fine line between being gracious/patient/responsive and being a doormat/pushover, but that's another story. What it comes down to is that I am kind of fixated on time - especially my time. Therefore, I need to remind myself that my time is not my own. I am living on borrowed time, time given to me graciously and lovingly by my Father who is in control of all. He sees me and keeps watch over me as I rest and as I rise the next day, as I cross the street safely once more, as I eat and drink healthily once more, as I learn and study undisturbed once more. I do have so many plans - for myself, for others - but at any moment, He could demand my life from me. Maybe that's pretty extreme thinking, but I just keep returning to that thought these days.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand." (Proverbs 19:21)

Ultimately, God is in control of everything and He gives me grace for each day at a time. In response, I can only offer what little I have, all I have - my heart, my mind, my soul.