Yesterday at service, P. Young made the church pray for the leaders (pastors/servants) for like 5-10 min-ish and it was really weird being at the front of B-1, facing the congregation. (I don't think I looked straight ahead even once...) And you know, I don't know what it is about praying about family group/serving/young'ns like the freshmen (babies!!!) and sophomores (still babies!!!) but every time we do something like that, I just burst out into tears. It's kind of ridiculous, and I hate it because my nose turns super red and I'm just a mess!
And you know what else? I'm not just a mess when I cry, but I'm a mess in general - I'm broken by my sin, stifled by my insecurities and jealousies, plagued with apathy and inaction, drained through physical/mental tiredness 7-days-a-week, and yet, somehow, somehow, I can give off the impression that I'm put together, that I know what I'm doing, that I have "wisdom" to share and "love" to give. What the heck. Seriously. And I say this incredulously because I know that it's definitely not me doing or saying anything worthwhile, it's the Holy Spirit. It's God being generous enough to bestow me with the privilege and the opportunity to serve the people around me, and even more than that - with the strength and the power to actually do something with it.
I really don't know what I have to offer as a co-servant, as a(n older) sister, and yet, every once in a while, God surprises me through a small comment or action and it's just so weird (SO WEIRD.) And so so so encouraging.
Dang.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
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2 comments:
Great post. I really identified with the second sentence of your second paragraph: it always seems we're going from class to activities to studying, a process that can make us physically and mentally tired.
For me serving/being an example to/imparting wisdom to/loving people is a constant challenge, but somehow it's possible when I rely on Him.
"God equipped you for this!!": christian-speak for "you were born for this"
and being humbled by inadequacy is also very good :)
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