the truth about humility and righteousness

From AMI, somewhat of a paraphrase+my own extrapolations:

In order to truly become humble, you must experience something that breaks down your pride. Praying for more humility ultimately is a request for more pride-shattering moments. You cannot simply read about humility and study Christ's humility in order to become more humble — you must LIVE it.

That's part one.

Part two:

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye." (Matthew 7:3-5)

All the things that frustrated me, all the things that I scoffed at, all the things I saw as frivolous and/or worthless...they are all coming to bite me in the butt. I am the one with the flaws, I am the one with the insecurities, I am the one with the heart issues.

Another point of note: "One man’s faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand." (Romans 14:2-4)

God has apportioned grace, gifts, experiences as He sees fit: the LORD has assigned me my portion and my cup (Psalm 16:5)...where He leads I shall go, in my given lot I shall give thanks and be faithful.

What have I come to? Why is this such a constant struggle for me?

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'" (2 Corinthians 12:7-9) - and this is true: I cannot run away from something that is made to make me all the more dependent on God, something that is to challenge me and show me how apart from Him, I am nothing (John 15:5). I have no love, I have no humility, I have no righteousness; I am a lost sheep that the Shepherd has had to go out and personally find, risking death and damnation but ultimately triumphing as He carries me back over His shoulders.

How utterly, utterly weak and hypocritical and faithless I am as a human being. Yet how utterly, utterly good is His grace that justifies me nonetheless. It is honestly beyond understanding.