keep holding on

Okay guys.

Stop.

Close your eyes.

Breathe.

Praise God for one thing at this moment.

Open your eyes.

Re-focus.

Sometimes, in the midst of our determination to do well, right the wrongs of the past, prove to ourselves that we are not wholly incompetent and that our efforts actually mean something, we forget the basics of just chilling out and praising Him. I know I do.

I think my first instinct in the depths of frustration is to lash out and say things like, what good is my prayer and petition about something stupid like grades and motivation to study? I'm pretty much doomed regardless. Sometimes, we all reach a point where we just want to throw our pens down, shut off our laptops, and put our brains on hold - there's just no hope. There's nothing good in this moment - in this world, for that matter. Rawr rawr rawr.

But you know, God is so much bigger than my worries and my own inadequacies. He is the one who leads me, He is the one who gives me peace that transcends all understanding. He is the one with the master plan, so that when my little endeavors sometimes don't work out, He will use those failures to put me somewhere higher than before.

He goes before us, He shields our ways. So why do we fear? Why do we doubt? Why do we - particularly I - refuse to let Him help us/me? Indeed, it is no use to sit around idly and ask for a miracle (especially with academics and even moreso with results), but it is certain that even when our best efforts don't meet the mark, He will bridge the gap.

I had a brother tell me recently: "Sarah. If God wants you in law school, He will put you there." And He's right. Just like my place in heaven is already secured, my place in law school is already secured if I just trust in Him and persevere (because we do have to hold up our end of the deal.) And your place in med school, grad school, that company, (that significant other's arms, even) is already secured as well.

So, I guess the moral of the story is (since I must get back to studying) - study hard. Have faith. No regrets. God will get you where He wants you to be. Hang in there!

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:5-8