i'm a good person too

They say...

"You reap what you sow."

So that beckons the question:

Have I really been that horrible of a person throughout my life?

I'm not talking about blessings or happiness - I know that He loves me, that He has blessed me so incredibly much, and all my deepest joy is found in Him.

But I don't know. There's just something about people and me.

I guess ever since I was born, I had a bit of a sharp tongue. People have always thought me older than I actually am because I'm pretty serious and I don't like to show weakness in the things I say or do. If there's ever a possibility of revealing my weakness, I tend to just keep my mouth shut (hence why I never say anything in many of my classes these days). I seem like I don't like to be made fun of, and most people retract their barbed jokes with a "Geez, I was just kidding" because they don't know how to handle my less-than-positive responses.

As one of my close friends put it, the reason why we probably wouldn't have been friends prior to college is: "You always looked pissed [when I saw you.]"

I have always found solace in being sarcastic, in making witty (and sometimes scathing) comments, in challenging other people.

But I am a good person too.

I like smiles and kind words too.

I like sweet music and even sweeter coffee too.

I like the sun and I like the snow (when it's not clouding my vision) and I like trees too.

I like surprises and a little teasing and hugs and short notes too.

I like people too. I really like people.

I have a heart too. A heart that keeps striving to be more patient, more caring, more loving.

I have a mind too. A mind that musters up enough willpower to get over myself and be at peace.

I have ears too. Ears that sometimes selfishly want to hear an encouraging statement or just a, "Don't you know I care about you?"

I am a girl too. A girl with fairy tale chick flick dreams and a desire to be looked out for.

I am a human being too. A human being with a simple hope to one day be appreciated...just for existing.

I am a good person too. With good thoughts and good intentions.

So why is it I must always be tested, rejected, disciplined, humbled, broken?

I guess because people have always assumed that I'm too "good" for good things, and need to be given difficulties instead.