greenness and turkeys

Just two points before I head off to sleep:

Envy

Recently, my church heard two messages on envy - one with the main passage as Psalm 73 (envying the godless) and another with the main passage as Galatians 5:16-26 (envy within the church) - but the underlying theme was the same: envy hinders us from pursuing and experiencing the glory of God. Envy is us saying to God, Hey, I don't think what You're providing me with right now is enough. I don't and I can't trust You. And while it's true that Christians can definitely be shaken by how those without God seem to get by just fine (sometimes even better) during this lifetime, I think the tougher struggle/sin is actually envying other believers; there is no obvious gaping disparity (i.e. being with God vs. not being with God) that prompts us to be thankful and secure no matter what the other disparities are. When other believers seem to have it "easier" or seem to have "it all" while we ourselves are struggling or lacking in a certain area, it's tempting to think that God is a finite parent with limited resources of love and attention. But as my pastor reminded us: God is not finite. God is infinite, and He gives us all exactly what we need. He also pointed out that the blessings that other believers receive are blessings for the body — the most obvious biblical example being spiritual gifts. It's easy to look at someone who seems to be more spiritually gifted and think that God especially favors him/her for his/her sake; however, with the exception of the gift of tongues, every other spiritual gift is for the church's sake. So, when we stop comparing and start trusting God, we are able to view other believers' blessings with rejoicing and praise, not the icky feeling of discontent and left-out-ed-ness. Therefore, we should actively seek to combat the sin of envy and never dismiss it as just a passing feeling because it causes strife in the church and strains our relationship with God.

Thanksgiving

That being said, I personally feel this struggle/sin so acutely more than I'd like to admit, and the only way to combat it is to keep returning to a place of repentance and then thanksgiving. 

I was taken aback by something I was told a few weeks ago - I told them that I was a very difficult individual to surprise (e.g. for birthday celebrations) because I am just too quick on the uptake and I just can't hide my non-surprise, and while most people have just laughed/waved it off upon hearing this, this person told me: "That seems to show that you're not a very thankful person." (Don't worry, it came from an authority figure, so nbd, I accepted the rebuke lol) And while at first, I was like "well, that escalated quickly," I thought about it and I realized that it was true: I fail to appreciate the time and planning because it doesn't achieve the result that the surpriser/I expect(s). But extrapolated further, while I am definitely thankful to God for many, many, many things, I so quickly forget in less-than-desirous circumstances. 

I can say confidently that I am so thankful for my health, the opportunity to learn and work, my family and my friends, the food I eat, the warm bed I get to sleep in very soon, the ability to worship freely and even write this blogpost — the list goes on and on. But I am also aware of (and God knows so well) the other things that poke at me from time to time, turning my gladness into discontent and discouragement. And it's an ongoing battle for my heart, honestly, and even if those things are later filled or forgotten, I'm sure new things will threaten to take root. So, as I mentally sing along with Starfield's "Heart and Flesh" ("And I am satisfied, satisfied in You Lord") until it truly, truly becomes the cry of my heart, I will keep returning this weak and frivolous heart before Him so that He can restore it and so I can increase in my thanksgiving each day.