move along

Tomorrow will be June 1st. That basically means we're like almost halfway done with the year. Crazy.

I feel like 2009 began just yesterday. The bitter January wind (ESPECIALLY right by the highrises on the way to the DP), the remnants of wasting way too much time during Winter Break being abruptly erased with a new hectic schedule, anxiously anticipating second semester because I'm a nerd and I preferred school to home. And here I am again in Philly this summer, breaking a sweat (and some toes) on my way to work in 3-inch heels by day and chilling with friends and taking breezy walks by night. (And going promptly to sleep at 11:30 like a good pseudo-young adult so I can wake up at 7:30 the next morning.)

And it feels weird, actually, having freshman year be over. Every time I have to introduce myself saying I'm a rising sophomore, it just makes me feel weird knowing that I've had a year to change and grow and experience new things in college already. It makes me wonder what life was like before college - how did I endure 7 hours of school everyday? Hanging out maybe only legit 5 times in an academic year? Wasting away 8+ hours in my house doing homework and basically nothing much else? It was so normal and routine and unobtrusive that I had no idea it was as confining, even if I knew it was kind of a whack life. And now that I've experienced college for one year, with people I love and things that I truthfully enjoy learning and doing (not just because I feel like I should because I need to get good grades or get into a good college), it's really weird to know that I'll keep on changing my mindset as the years go by.

Working at my internship (though this past week I could barely call it work, haha) has definitely been an eye-opener so far. A 9-5 work schedule is a lot longer than it sounds, and for some reason beyond my understanding, it's so draining sometimes as well, even if all I'm doing is sitting around at a computer all day (I mean, isn't that what I do anyway?) And sitting in meetings with plain Powerpoint presentations and making lovely Excel spreadsheets, it's just weird to know that people get paid to do these things. And even dressing "business casual" everyday is also kind of draining - I always thought I liked to look sharp and kind of dress well, but now I just can't wait to get back and look scrub-y in some gym shorts and a t-shirt. 

Also, people. It's so weird to know that I'm already part of a new summer family group and that I'm spending time with people I never spent time with in the regular academic year. It's weird to know that I'm not really on Gchat that much these days, even though I was on it nearly 24/7 since I started using it up until I arrived in Philly. So, I kind of feel oddly estranged from the people I've invested in all year, but at the same time...it doesn't hurt or feel empty as much as I thought it would. I've always known that I move on quickly, more quickly than I wish I would. I just have this amazing capability to just let go and move on, even though before they actually walk out of my life (not in a mad dramatic sense), I freak out and think things will never be the same without them. People I thought I would always miss and love and invest in quickly become a part of my past unless they actively try to be part of my present, in which case I definitely (try to) make an effort back. I'm actually really really horrible about keeping in touch, and sometimes I feel shallow because I just don't try and instead, I focus in on the people around me. But the thing is, fortunately, the people from this past year are still a pretty active presence in my life right now, even if it's not to the same extent, so it's not like they've just become distant memories already. And I never really forget. I never forget how much they meant to me at a certain point in time and I never forget the memories we shared. So, I hope y'all don't think I'm like mad flaky or emotionless or something.

And of course, there are other things in life that also just keep changing, your preferences or things that you keep adapting to depending on the situation or the lessons you've learned: what songs you listen to the most, your relationship with your parents, the way you talk and carry yourself, the way you felt about someone and the way you feel now about someone else, your travel route and morning prep routine everyday, your academic and career interests, your goals and dreams.

But even when you or I, as humans, keep changing and developing and learning and living, God remains constant. That's also another crazy thing. It's crazy for me to know that even though right now, I think I know who I am and what I like and want and need, I probably won't be the same person and I won't like and want and need the same things in a few years, a few months, even tomorrow. But what's crazier is that God will always be who He is. It takes a lot of perfection and unwavering stability to not change after all this time (and He doesn't even have a sense of time.) 

Moving on sometimes feels really good, because it releases you of the hardships and hurts and mistakes of the past. It clears your head and allows you to embrace the new things that are trying to hold a place in your life. But do you ever wonder what it would be like if God had just decided to move on? Let Earth and its peoples just perish in their own nasty sin and junk and just start anew without ever sending Jesus? Dang. Life would suck. Or, more accurately, we wouldn't be alive right now. So, I guess we wouldn't realize that life was sucking, haha. But still. He was stable and powerful and unconditionally loving enough to stay with us when we pushed Him and tried to walk out on Him; He was forgiving enough to not hold grudges against us for all that we did wrong; He was unchanging enough for us to find the same great being He was in years past even though we ourselves had changed significantly. Because you know, it's a really weird feeling to come back to someone you care about and find that they've changed completely, beyond your understanding, and you just can't connect in the same way anymore. 

So yeah. I guess for us, it's just natural to keep moving on. In fact, it's encouraged, because dwelling in yesterday won't ever do us any good at all. I'm a big pusher of moving on, actually. But it's also good to keep in mind that God never just moves on without us - He doesn't desert us or forget about us, but instead, tries to meet us where we are, just the way He is. Interesting how that works, huh? That's probably why we should keep Him at the center of our lives, so that we can have that consistency no matter how much we ourselves change. I wish I could think of a better analogy, but all I can think of right now are those watches with the various frames in like different colors. So, the decorative frame might change - the details - but the watch itself will never change - its purpose and form will never change. Yeah. Lame. :)

Anyway, that reminds me of the one song that GCC is currently obsessed with. Enjoy: