the hat

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but have you guys have ever gotten that surge of happiness when you see a person you love wear something you got them? It could be anything, from a sweater to a pair of earrings - maybe guys don't notice, but I'm pretty sure girls take notice. And girls end up feeling super special on the inside...because we're girls.

But yeah. Thinking this thought, I suddenly remembered back to my freshman year of high school, when the guy who liked me (okay, so it was mutual) "cheated" in Secret Santa for orchestra, got my name on purpose, and presented me with a gift on the day we were supposed to exchange gifts (also the day we left for Chicago as an orchestra for this Midwest Conference - 14 hours on a bus was REALLY fun. Not.)

I opened the haphazardly packaged gift - you had to forgive the kid for being a stereotypical male - and anticipated what it would be, hoping it'd be something really sweet and cute and memorable all at the same time.

And of the three, it was memorable. (Sorry if you ever read this, S. LOL) It was a fuzzy white hat-cap...thing. And it was ridiculously ugly. But of course, since we liked each other, I was still elated at the fact that I had received a gift from him. And despite its ugliness, I had to act like I really loved it (no judging, please) even though I couldn't see myself wearing it at all. I remember running out to my mom's car before we left on the buses (she was dropping something off) and upon seeing the furry object in my hands, she told me flat out, "That hat...is ugly." And so, I ended up never wearing the hat during our trip in Chicago (opting instead to wear the hat&scarf set my parents had bought me beforehand), and I remember him asking, "Why haven't you worn my hat?"

Well, to this day, I still feel a bit guilty for never wearing the hat - I eventually threw it in the "Donations" pile of clothes I compiled after we moved into our New Jersey house. Was I cold-hearted? I don't know - they say love is blind (or rather, infatuation), and so once those feelings soon faded the year after the Chicago trip, I didn't feel obligated to him or even that hat at all. But as friends, later on, when he made/wrote me a card for my 17th birthday, I definitely held onto that - and this last winter break, while noodling around my room a bit, I found it, re-read it, and found that I really enjoyed those silly high school days after all.

So, unlike most of my blog posts, I don't really have a moral to the story or some allegory to God's never-fading love for us. But rather, I just wonder what happens to all those ill-fitting gifts given in the temporary flush of feelings called "adolescent (puppy) love"? Do they end up in random nooks of people's closets, drawers, attics, basements - or do some actually remain as fond memories? Are they representative of regrets or past joys?

Hm.

(There's a GREAT Ingrid Michaelson song called, "The Hat" - I tried to put up the video from YouTube, but the only one that's not a live performance is set to this video of computer penguins...so I decided to forego it. But look it up! It's a sweet song and perfect for wintry weather.)