changes: family matters

Part 1 in the how-I've-changed series.

Figured I'd start with something not too trivial (like music preferences, which will come up later) or too hardcore (like religion, which will come up later as well.) 

So, my family.

I think you can learn a lot about someone just by looking at his/her family and the relation he/she has with them. You don't just inherit genes from your parents, you know. I have an awesome relationship with my parents - my mom's like my best friend and my dad's like my life coach or something. But this isn't really about my parents as much as it is about my brother. 

For those of you who don't know or can't assume, I have a younger brother who's six years younger than I am. This age gap is quite inconvenient right now, because I'm not young enough to be like best friends with him and I'm not old enough to be like a second mom. I'm sure in the future, say when he enters college, it'll be a lot better. Maybe when he's sixteen, I don't know. But growing up, especially during high school, we didn't have the best relationship; I mean, the best relationship we had was probably when I was eleven and we both liked Pokemon. 

Throughout high school, our relations just got worse and worse. And while I was going through the stress of high school banalities, grades, college apps, etc etc, I always thought it was his fault for being such a bratty/angsty pre-pubescent boy. Could he not see that I was mad busy? That I didn't have time to play with him or put up with his attitude? 

Coming to college and having time away from him, I realized something incredibly shocking and yet totally unsurprising at the same time: I had been a bad sister all those years. I don't know when it began, but I think I have been devoid of real love for my brother; I mean, I always thought/knew I loved him, but I don't think that ever truly translated to the outside. And of course, whenever I was busy (which was virtually all the time later on), I would just say "Go away, I'm really busy right now." Which was like saying "I don't want you in my life" every time I said it. 

I am also the older sister with an ego. I am a very dominant/bossy/in-charge character naturally, but as the older sibling, I think that character can just be magnified that much more. So I had gotten used to lecturing him whenever he was disrespectful to my parents or telling him to do his homework and stop playing games. But I don't know if I ever did it truly out of love or just because I was trying to be like a distant teacher or a disciplinary parent. 

So going back during fall and Thanksgiving breaks, I've been trying to show that my mentality and my heart's changed. He is still unfocused and easily-upset/ticked-off and rebellious, but I'm trying to embrace that aspect of him. I know he'll grow out of it. And I'm trying to lead by example, not by chastising all the time. And all I want for him is to just grow into a mature, smart, and chill guy that I know he is very capable of being.

Because that's the kind of sister I hope I'm on my way of becoming.