changes: a wrinkle in time

Part 3 in the how-I've-changed series.

What they say about Ivy League students is true: we're a bunch of bums. Never have I wasted so much time in my life, especially in the wee hours of the morning. Why do people pull all-nighters? A) They sincerely have that much work, and for that, we sympathize and give them hugs. But very often, it's B) They had a fair amount of work, but it took them at least three hours to get them started. I have not pulled an all-nighter myself quite yet, but that's only because I don't see the point in staying up all night and failing versus sleeping and failing. 

But you know what? Never have I also done so much with my time. In high school, the stereotypical Ivy school applicant juggles about three solid activities: a sport, an instrument, and a third club for which he/she has a passion. I was never like this stereotype; in fact, looking back, I honestly wonder what I did with all that time on the weekdays. I do have to admit that I had no weekends, with Saturdays being filled up with ASYO 9-1, followed by a lesson, and whatever church orchestra thing I had to do. My Sundays would consist of more church orchestra, church, and then whatever homework I could get finished in that afternoon. I think that during the other days, I just did homework all the time, with those 4-hour-long webassigns and all.

Here, I'm spending time probably running around doing activities more than I spend in class or studying, which can go either way. I still need to know when to buckle down and study hardcore until I just can't study anymore, but I love everything I'm doing. And it's stuff that I've been wanting to do. I finally get to write for the newspaper, after all those years of lamenting not having a free class period to join. Next semester, I'm writing the School of Arts and Sciences "beat", which basically means I cover any news concerning the College of Arts and Sciences here at Penn, be it professor/student research breakthroughs, new curriculum, new majors/minors, etc etc. I still get to play violin in a quartet and not have to pull my hair out because of long, tedious rehearsals and catty fake-smile relationships. I tutor kids at an elementary school, which, I have to admit, sometimes makes me very frustrated and very tired. But just seeing my kids at the holiday book party yesterday, with their eyes lighting up at the sight of a new book and a new friend - I see why it's worth it. I am involved in my church so much that church is coming out of my ears. And through it all, I'm still trying to keep this blog going.

Do I feel weighed down at all? It's funny, really; if I had these many serious commitments in high school, I might have imploded with the pressure. Here, it's these things that take off the pressure from the week. I guess you can accredit that to not being in class for 7-8 hours a day, but seriously?

Sometimes I feel like I'm finally tapping into my inner Ivy-bound-studentness, because let me tell you, I felt super-inadequate applying to places this time last year, wondering what the heck I did with those four long years. And even now, I feel pretty un-special, being surrounded with math geniuses, Obama interns, country-hoppers, show-stoppers, teen authors, and chemistry buffs. I have a long way to go to be able to catch up.

But now that I feel like I've finally made a good start, just like I had hoped to do when I was a freshman in high school, I just hope that at the end of my four years here, I won't be feeling inadequate quite so much any more. That I will be able to confidently say, I've made an impact AND I've done something with my life during this time.