conoces el camino?

Every time I think back to my first missions trip to Mexico after my freshman year in high school, I immediately think of the words that I had to repeat to person after person from house to house. "Conoces el camino que uno debe tomar?" There was definitely more to that question, something along the lines of taking a road to Christ, but just that bit translated, it means "Do you know the path one must take?" 

Do I know the path I must take?

If I had to make a bucket list of sorts (I actually did this with a friend recently), it wouldn't be that long. I guess even out of the list I made that day, I would only pick three to actually be pertinent - 1) write and publish a novel, 2) live in New York City, and 3) fall in love. So when it comes to what will I do for the rest of my life, job-wise? I've been a confused child for a very long time.

Timeline of Sarah's Future Job Dreams:

1990-1994: n/a

1994-1998: police officer, waitress, nanny (in no particular order)

1998-2000: artist? actress? fashion designer? [memory lapse]

2000-2001: lyricist/superstar singer

2001-2004: chic English professor at Princeton whose seminar class everyone would want to take

2002: actress (dead set on being Cho Chang in the Harry Potter movies)

2004-2008: doctor - psychiatrist or pediatrician

2005 (for one day): professional violinist

2008: ?

Coming into Penn, I finally admitted to myself that becoming a doctor wasn't my passion. There are plenty of well-qualified, more driven people than me, and I didn't want to push myself and come to find two years into med school that I didn't want to do it anymore. So I decided to take the undecided route. And it never felt better, that breath of fresh air.

But something has happened. I find myself getting excited about writing again. I spent my whole summer working on my novella - still a work-in-progress, but never have I actually figured out a novella from start to finish. I've started writing for the newspaper, and I have indeed become one of the crazy psychos that sit there and refresh the claimage website for two hours before the stories actually get posted. I've stayed up till 3 in the morning looking up internships that I would've felt were near-impossible to get even a few months ago. What's really happening is that I'm going back to what I've always known in my heart but have been afraid to embrace. I want to write.

So for now, I'm thinking journalism. It's a competitive world out there, but in which sector is it not? People here score higher on the MCATs than the average Harvard med student ever did. Aspiring filmmakers donate 80 hours a week to their projects, engineering students look to solve the energy crisis, a cappella singers go on to become legends. Everything's a mad competition. We're always fighting each other, no matter what we decide to do in life. But I am so excited. More excited than when I first admitted to myself I was clueless about where to go. Because not only can my lungs breathe again, my brain can breathe again too.

But you know what? Does it really matter what I do in this life? It's awesome that I feel like I have a worldly purpose again, but what about after this life? Where does all the wealth and knowledge and power and fame and your prized eBay piece of toast that looks like Elvis go? 

Which brings me back to the beginning. Really, the only purpose Christians should permanently have in life is to love God and bring His glory upon earth. Do you know how amazing it feels to know that even if people tell you that you're not heading in any direction in this world, you're still heading towards the ultimate end goal? I mean, this does not mean you can slack off and be a bum for the rest of your life, but seeking Him will lead you to finding your purpose. So for a moment in time, it's okay to get confused. But He will always bring you back to where you need to be. And that will make your soul breathe again. 

Conoces el camino que uno debe tomar?